did ya really mean it when you said "talk to ya soon, Amanda"?

it's cold and rainy today. and i have a belly full of black beans and rice spiced with some home grown chili peppers. and a bloody knee. a nearly dead telephone. a half read copy of The Celestine Prophecy. a little black pug snoring on my lap.

i can hear cars passing. the tick of a clock. and the rain.

the clock now reads 4:14. i intended to go for another run at 4. i declined an invite to a winter beer tasting this evening. so at least the run can occur later. maybe when the rain lets up.

but truth is, i'm kinda comfy right here on the couch with a book. i mean, it's not like i've done nothing today.

swim practice was awesome. per usual. i've said it a million times, but that group is just fun. and when i don't psych myself out, i usually surprise myself with what i'm capable of obtaining. it's strange really. i thought for sure there was no way i could do 5x100 on 1:30 where one of the 25s was breast stroke. but wouldn't ya know, it was done! and then there was a massive kick set. and then the real test. 4x500 on 7:00. i can do one 500 on 7:00, but 4?!? so, i went easy, stay relaxed for the first one. and nailed it. and then the second one, i started to panic. and the self-doubt crept in like you wouldn't believe. and i just let it go down the toilet and that one was like 7:14. i began to really envy those two lanes down doing 400 on 7:00. or even those four lanes down doing 300s. i remembered when a 300 on 7:00 would've been a challenge for me. it really wasn't so long ago. two and a half years ago... and then i don't even know what happened. but i think the whole lane fell apart. i sat out a 50. and tried to hang on. and the last 400 was definitely back to a relaxed pace. and we finished up with fast 50s.

that was before i hit the trails today. and took a beating. i ran into an old co-worker at the trail head. strangely. and then headed out on a familiar loop. i was a couple miles in when my foot snagged a root and i went skidding. i had leaves stuffed down my shorts and up the sleeves of my fleece. my left knee was dripping blood. my right hip and leg were covered in dirt and scratched. and i sat there, motionless, pain receptors firing like crazy. and i may have whimpered a little before hoisting myself up and dusting myself off. i momentarily considered cutting the run short and going back to my car. but everything loosened up again and i was content, dripping sweat from my forehead and breathing cool air.

now my knee is bandaged. and my head is groggy. and mine eyes want sleep. and i'll dream of that phone call. before i go for that next run.