Monday, February 21, 2011

I am not prepared

This blog has always contained a little bit of life and a little bit of training, a lot vulnerability and possibly too much detail.

And this post is none different.

This last week was INCREDIBLE! We, in the Midwest, got a tease of Spring. On Sunday, I got out for close to 70 miles on the bike. It was a ride full of hills and speed and wind. And me sucking the wheel of very strong male rider. Afterward, I was toast! In a really good way. The remainder of the week contained track work and crazy swim sessions and a couple trainer rides. And then came Friday...

I awoke at 2:30am to pee. After tossing and turning for an hour and a half, I just decided to get up and do my long run instead of trying to cram it in before going to the shop on Saturday. Two hours of night running in shorts and a sports bra, watching the city wake up and seeing another freak or two out running in the dark as well. It was the perfect start to a Friday prior to a nice long three day weekend. I rode my bike into work and at 5pm, I was on my way out the door for an hour and a half of daylight riding!

Saturday was at the shop. Everyone gets excited about riding again when it gets nice out, so there wasn't much down time. Clubber and Sid (my dog and Tom;s, the manager, dog) got to hang out all day, greeting customers.
And then I went to pick up the paperwork for the team I'm joining. Yes, I'm racing bikes for a team this year. There are nine of us girls and I'm really excited about the opportunity!

I woke yesterday to ice rain. Ugh. The cold came back. Trainer ride, weights, swim. And then hit the sack early...

when I was awoken by Clubber kicking my head. She likes to overtake my pillows at night. At first, I just thought she was having a dream (sometimes, she runs in her dreams), but when I moved her and realized she was awake, I knew that wasn't the case at all. The actual events that occurred next are blurry. I know I turned on the light. I must've set her down on the middle of the bed because I later realized she urinated right in the middle of it. She was convulsing, legs rigid, kicking, squirning. Immediately, I picked her up and tried to calm her. I took her downstairs, unsure yet what was happening. Her breathing was shallow and rapid. I felt like she was fighting me, so I set her on the floor. She felt over legs sprawled out, tensed up. It was the most horrific scene... I was screaming and crying and holding her as tightly as i could. What seemed like forever, but was likely no more than five minutes, the spasms continued. And I realized what I was witnessing was a seizure.

When it ended, I took her back to bed and did some research on the 'nets on my phone as she snored next to me. It appears to be one of two things: PDE (Pug dog encephalitis) or epilepsy. If it's the first, she doesn't have much time.

I was supposed to have a massage today. And I was so excited about it. But I can't bear to leave her sight. She's been sleeping on my lap all morning.

This is the one little thing that has been a constant in my last eight years. So much has happened in that time. I've been married and divorced, quit a job, got a new job, moved all over the place, bought and sold houses, had roommates, lived alone, trained for IM, run marathons, stumbles, got back up, laughed, cried, hurt, and loved. And she's been there through it all, to help comfort me, sometimes, just to be the reason I get out of bed.

To have a dog is a selfish thing. I realize that. And I've lost a lot of things in this life. And I'm just not prepared to lose this one. And I guess I never thought that day would come.And I'm not saying it has now, but the very thought that it may has me scared.

10 comments:

Jen said...

Oh no.... I am so sorry. My pug is 2 and I love her so much. She hasn't been with me through as much as yours has, but I understand.

Praying that your companion is getting better every day!

BTW: Nice training. I just started training for my first Tri!

Christi said...

I am so sorry you are going through this. I know it is not easy. We lost our beagle in January and it was very hard. I hope that Clubber heals and provides you with more love and friendship.

Matty O said...

I hear you on the morning running. I have some of my best runs when the world sleeps. It's a real interesting feeling knowing that you are accomplishing that when no one else is even up.

As for Clubber... man, you almost have me in tears. I brought my little girl into work today and agree whole heartedly that having dogs is selfish. But I wouldn't have it any other way and would not be nearly as happy in my life as I am now had I not had our pups.

Hang in there. Maybe go to the vet to make sure that there are no other issues. Frankie has had seizures in the past due to medications he was on... so hopefully it's an external stimulant causing this?

I feel for you.

Tri-James said...

Our animals are like family. I hope all is well.

Mike said...

I'm sorry to hear about your pugs. My mother's Schnauzer is having seizures lately.

Big Daddy Diesel said...

We had that nice week too, then the ice rain, at least we got to play outdoors for a bit

Dogs are part of the family, they are always happy to see you and know how to brighten your day, I hope he is ok

tri like mary said...

Coming from someone who has a dog, and has lost a dog tragically, I am so sorry you are going through this. I hope Clubber is fine and you two have alot more time together.

Melissa said...

Sorry to hear of your doggy woes. That's awefully scary. We love our dogs so much. :)

Mary Sunshine said...

Sometimes dogs develop epilepsy and the seizures are the only symptom and can be controlled with a little bit of medication and they have many good years with this condition. And sometimes it goes away completely. Will hope and pray for the best for you and Clubber.

JBM said...

ugh i feel your pain my dog did that in the middle of the night one time and i still don't think i recovered from it. They still have no idea what it was, i think it was flea meds cause i had to give a second dose close to the first one. hasn't happened since but the vets just say to keep an eye out and try to keep them away from stairs when it happens so they dont fall. i know its horrible to watch, hope clubbers does not have to go through that again!