Thursday, October 1, 2009

bad luck or good?

It's hard to tell our bad luck from our good luck sometimes. And most of us have wept copious tears over someone or something when if we'd understood the situation better we might have celebrated our good fortune instead. - Merle Shain

Before the fog had been burned off by the sun, I was driving home from swim practice this morning, grinning ear to ear. I think maybe even a chuckle escaped.

This is the first week that Coach Aaron has combined us masters swimmers with his fish (ie - age groupers). This means that we old folk are getting shown up by tots. And practice is now 75 minutes rather than 60. Tuesday, we did 3500 yards and today, it was 4250. And Aaron keeps putting me in a lane that is sure to challenge me. And each day, I step up to the challenge. Some days, I'm victorious. Other days, I'm flailing.

But that's not why I was smiling.

I was smiling because, well... four months ago, I was so consumed with anger and confusion that I couldn't get through an entire hour practice without shedding a tear of frustration or fear. And now, I can't make it through warm-up without laughing. Obnoxiously loud.

And I'm not sure when this conversion occurred, but I suppose it's like this corporate merger we're going through at work. One day you wake up, and new company/policy/program is all there is and old company/policy/program is but a memory. But when that new company first starts to come in and implement change, it's very difficult. and painful. and we all resist. Until one day, we surrender. And then we find that new company's way of doing things is likely more innovative and productive...or why would they be the surviving entity? And we look back and see it was all for the best. And we wonder why we resisted; question whether we caused all that pain ourselves.

And in the end, I suppose it doesn't matter. Because we're smiling all the same.

10 comments:

Ironbolus said...

It's funny I'm stiting in my leading strategic change right now and our Professor constantly talks about why change is so hard, and that changing behvaior is alot easier than changing belief. Habits form a value system, and any change to that we interpert as an attack on who we are - it's really hard to accept that until you realize its ok to change.

IronMatron said...

I'm really happy for you that you're on the other side. Getting through the mine field can feel close to impossible and never-ending.

TRI-james said...

Good for you. I have got to get into master's swim!

Big Daddy Diesel said...

Nice, I need to remember this to find my laugh on the run.

Court said...

I remember you telling me about a turning point like this in your life once before. You said you knew you'd turned a corner and emerged from the "darkness," so to speak, when you started singing along with a song on the radio.

It gives me a lot of hope to see you going through all this, and to see you back in your happy place again :-) Thanks for being an inspiration!

Kim said...

it's nice to hear that the smile remains on your face and youre keeping a fantastically positive attitude. everyday is a good day to be alive.

Marni said...

Keep enjoying the longer swims. I know you've got your big race coming up but I find that the longer swims leave me more comfortable when it comes to the faster swims. That extra mileage will really pay off! Hope everything else is going ok with your company. -marn

Jon Gilchrist said...

breakting through tends to always be challenging and painful and scary.

And then we find ourselves on the other side...renewed...reborn...and invigorated. Change is good...bask in it..and great job steppin up to the challenges, too!!

Judi said...

you just go on with your bad self....

xxoo.

LG said...

what a year it has been for you -- and here you are smiling through it!!! the only thing we have full control over is our attitude -- and yours is fantastic and it will carry you to the other side of the world and race that awaits :)