So, for the first time in my life, I am jobless and homeless. And somehow, I'm more at peace right now than I have been in quite some time. I know not what lies before me. I have a rough plan, but it's sooo vague. something like this: stay here at mom's in IL and bust my ass training for the next week. Take advantage of naps. And the time and ability to prepare meals. And mow granny's lawn. And sit and watch TV with her.
I have a long couple weeks of chaos and a few great days of training behind me now. Saturday was a long, sweaty, humid 16 miles in the hills of eden park, hyde park, and a surprise visit on the flats from my TTT partner, Scott. And Sunday was 105 miles on the bike, 50 by myself as I went back to get the truck of a buddy who was severely dehydrated. The ride was mostly flat, but I didn't once feel like I wanted to get off and throw the thing into the bushes. I just focused on cadence. And pedal stroke. and relaxing my upper body, not curing my toes, looking straight ahead, all those things I've been taught by the amazing people brought into my life for whatever reason.
Friday was my last day at work. I got cards and hugs and went home to frantically pack so I could leave for Galveston, TX the next morning. And it was then that I started to worry. It was then that I wanted some reprieve from the chaos, from the go go go that had become my life over the last couple weeks. And on my Saturday morning run, I decided TX was not the place for me at the moment. I needed some solitude, some time to hush my mind, some time to sleep peacefully, some time to just get away. And figure things out.
I went to the Hyde Park Blast Saturday night. And saw so many friends. I got so many hugs. I had so much support; so many kind words. And it meant the world to me. I was, once again, reminded of all the amazing people in the world, in my life. I'm quite the fortunate girl.
I was actually kinda grateful for those miles alone on Sunday, rushing back to the truck to rescue Todd, those miles spent in the rain, the heat, the smog. It gave me time to reflect. I was granted time to focus. And I realized I've been given the greatest opportunity the universe allows...the ability to go wherever life takes me. I simply have no ties. I have amazing friends and the best dad ever in Cincy, but I have friends all over the country. I have no less than 50 offers for places to stay. So, to the-middle-of-nowhere-IL I went. To stay in an empty house next door to my 91 year old granny. And that's where I am. With lots of country roads to ride, a few hills to run, a pool with a lap lane, and relatives on the lake.
And yet, deep down, that one persuasive voice keeps lulling me. But I cut it off today. There have been so many empty promises. So many "i'm gonna do this"'s. And I haven't been through all this shit to not realize a thing or two. No matter how much I might want someone to do something and follow through, no matter how much I love someone, I love and respect me more. And I know I deserve to live a dream. Because that's how I want to live. And we all have a choice. That's my choice. This is my dream. And I'm living it.