8 Seconds

No, I'm not talking about that bull riding movie with Luke Perry. I'm talking about how many seconds over 11 hours it took me to complete IMKY.  That eight seconds is kinda haunting me.

But let's start from the beginning...

Typical race morning: have some coffee, be sure to poo, eat some food, pump tires and check bags in transition. It all happened. Then to the swim line, where my mom, dad, and Marc all found me...as did some teammates, Val, Cathie, Charlie, Pater and Amy (who was also racing). It was great to have such support so early in the game.

I will say that I was most concerned about my swim time not meeting expectations. I told Marc to not panic if I came out at 1:10 because I was expected to go about 1:05. Just before we were sent off, there was a "medical emergency" and we were stalled on the dock for close to 10 mins. And then they let us go!

I jumped in and just swam. I tried to stay long and I just focused on passing as many people as possible. Obviously, with the huge time lag, there was quite a gap between our group and the people ahead. I gat swam over right at the start but other than that, I just thought about my stroke, how my kick can help some and following through, just like at masters practice. I didn't feel particularly great, so I thought for sure I was going to come in around 1:15 again since it's not wetsuit legal. To my shock and awe, I hit the steps, looked at my watch and saw 1:02 something. wtf? I took 13 mins off my swim time. Yikes. Hooray! official Swim time 1:02.59. Holy crap, and thanks Aaron and the boys at masters.

T1 was uneventful except for the fact that I had no volunteer. I just took off my swim suit, grabbed my tri suit and peed the longest biggest pee of the day :) time 5:32

And onto the bike...and that's where the trouble began. Leading into IMKY, I was feeling good on the bike. I borrowed wheels from a buddy and he told me to get new tires, particularly the back one. Well, I picked up a tire and replaced the back one. I rode it down to transition on Saturday with now problem. Out of T1, different story. The tire was rubbing my frame. Every pedal stroke was a struggle. I pulled to the side right out of transition and tried to pull it away from the frame...and got back on...but every stroke, there was one little portion of the tire rubbing and it sounded GOD AWFUL!! Some girl looked at me and said "that's really loud". No kidding?!! I saw Marc and stopped, I was beginning to panic. Some guy tried to tell me to go back and have the mechanics look at it. Another tried to help, but then said something about not helping. So he just talked me through it...pull the wheel away from the frame, lock it down tight. It's not fully in, but it's fine. After about 4 mins (and the 2 I spent prior to that), some tears, a few curse words, I was back on the bike. Marc just yelled that I didn't lose too much time and to just settle in, which is what I knew I had to do.

I felt good after that, a little worried, but just riding. Then came the first climb...and I down shifted and the rubbing started again! DAMMIT. So, I got to the top, pulled to the side, re-adjusted, again, and went on my way. All in all, I think I probably lost close to 10 mins total. But I try to keep in mind that no race is ever going to go perfectly. I just rode. And then I lost my bottle of G2 and my water was out. I was just praying for the next aid station. I had some lonely moments out there for sure. There were times I thought about the training it took to get there and I may have shed a few tears (I'm super sentimental). And there were some dark points. But just as they'd hit, I would see a teammate or Marc or someone yelling my name and I came back to life. In fact, apparently, I smiled.

I won't lie, I was glad to see that 100 mile marker. My hooha was hurting and I wanted to run. I  was a little nauseas and i thought my fingers were swelling so I was trying to take in the gatorade perform. But I'd never tried it in training. Um, MISTAKE #1. Official time 5:46.51

Anyway, into T2. Amazing volunteer. I was a little out of it. But she helped so so much. I just grabbed shot bloks and my shoes, wiped my face on a towel and went out the tent. time: 5:30.

The run. Oh...the run. Eddy had told me not to go out too fast. I feeling awful, but I didn't want anyone to know. I knew they were already concerned about my times. I had talked with Eddy the day before about my goals. I have been running really strong this year and I knew a 3:45 wasn't out of the question. But he wanted me to keep even pacing and go go go if I felt string at mile 21. Let's just say my first mile was 7:38, but I felt like I was crawling. And I walked on the bridge and knew then it was going to be a long day. I couldn't even think about taking in food. My stomach was full and revolting. By the third aid station, I couldn't even walk straight. The volunteers were asking if I was ok. So, I put my sunglasses down so they couldn't see my eyes and went off running. Aid station #4, I hit the port-a-potty for a few mins. Let me just say that on a hot day, when you come out of a port-a-potty, it feels like you're walking into antarctica. OK, anyway...until mile 9, I couldn't take in anything but a swig of coke or some water. Then, finally a gel and I swear, I ressurected from the dead!! I found that taking calories every 3rd aid station would be my plan. Then that plan failed me as I made the roundabout through town and once again felt awful.

Bryan ran with me, asked how I felt, talked me through it. I told him I would come back around. I was nauseous and my back was killing me. Once I concentrated on my form, I was ok. Seeing double digit mile markers was amazing!! Particularly mile 16. Not sure why. But I knew I was on my way home. When I passed mile 18, I heard some lady going the other way say she had less than 5 miles. and I almost cried. At mile 20, I knew I only had a 10k left, so I just figured, the quicker I go, the quicker the pain is over. I had been doing this "run til the aid station and then walk through it" pattern.And I kept that up through the remainder of the race. Those last few miles HURT. With a mile and a half to go, I just went. I think I had fire in my eyes. I knew it was going to be so so so close to break 11 hours. I finished the run in 3:59.16.

Total time: 11:00.08. Eight freaking seconds.

Good enough for 6th in my age group. And there were 4 kona spots, all claimed before roll down.

Oh, well, maybe next time.

Life is perfect

I mean, it's perfect right now.
I haven't had much time to blog. Or even read blogs (work blocks them. gasp!)
But I've been making time for myself. And for training. And for sleep.

And right now...right now it's a little after 8pm on New Year's Eve. And I'm all alone in my new place. There are tunes playing and Clubber is on the floor gnawing on a bone. It's still 60 degrees outside (we got some freak heat wave). All the snow has melted. We can see grass for the first time since November. I got out this morning for a quick run...in shorts! I walked to work. I had teddy grahams and milk for breakfast. I walked to my car after work in a t-shirt. And then I went for a two hour ride with Judi...again, in shorts. And it was then that we witnessed a traffic jam going to a liquor warehouse. And a small black dog on the back of a motorcycle, complete with tank and riding goggles. No joke. I wove through traffic to pet the attention whore pup and chat it up with the driver.

I got a call from a friend after the ride who told me I sounded "euphoric". And i was. That was the most fun I'd had on a bike since September. The wind was howling and I worked, but it wasn't biting cold. And I was riding outside with a friend.

It's the last day of, yet another, tumultuous year...and I have more hope coursing through my veins than I've had in a very, very long time. And I can't say I know to what that's attributable. I've had some very special people help me through this year. And some of those people helped me even when I thought they were hurting me (and yes, Chris A is one of those special people). I had a great early season of races. I travelled with friends. I fell in love. I learned to ride with the race pace group. I left a job with which I was dissatisfied and complacent. I took a very big risk. I followed my heart. I had my heart broken and I cried with more emotion than I knew I had in me. And then I took a stand. I went go-cart racing. I abused my body, in both good and bad ways. I turned 30. I burried my head under the covers. I took home some money from races. I won my first tri. I worked at the bike shop and wore jeans and tanks and flip flops to work everyday!! I discovered that I'd be ok from flirting with some travelling Cervelo demo dude. I leaned on mom, on friends. I moved into my dad's basement. And i learned how it feels to be poor. I made new great friends. I developed a relationship with my step-mom that I didn't know could exist. I earned an even greater appreciation for my body and of what it's capable because the mind will push it through. I re-found myself through lots of talk, lots of alone time, lots of tears, lots of anger and lots of laughs. I attended my first gay wedding. I went on a beer tour. I qualified for ITU Long Course Worlds. I reconnected with old friends (thanks, FB). I learned how very important it is to be open to synchronicity. And I realized how much lighter life feels without a huge load of anger. I found that I have friends and family that believe in me more than I even believe in me. A job fell into my life. And I asked a question and got a place to live. I once again have this feeling that right where I am....is right where I'm supposed to be. And for that very fact, I'm grateful for all that occurred this year.

I can't think of a more perfect place to be to ring in a new year of adventure, seeking, learning, loving, desiring, hoping, discovering, finding....

Cheers to a fabulous 2011!

The white death

It's come. We got our first real snowfall!!

Schools were shut down. and cars were off the roads.

luckily, this morning, I just had a trainer ride. And yesterday, I went for a long road run before most of the snow hit. It was cold and windy. And the pace started out kinda brisk.

I was with a guy who'd also done the trail marathon last weekend. And he's got an ultra in just four weeks. And I was game for a long run. It was a relief to hear him say "this is starting to hurt" with 7 miles to go. And that's when I busted out the emergency shot bloks. They saved the day until a couple miles left...when it really started to hurt...but we made it in.

And that run and the race last weekend are the things that have sparked something in me. something that i felt went into hiding over the last few months.

So today, I planned out a race calendar for the coming year. And it's stacked!

January entails the Frostbite 5, a Splash 'n' Dash, a trail race.
February, a 6 hour ROGAINE, a Splash 'n' Dash, a trail race
March, a Splash 'n' Dash and a trail race
April, Heart of the South 200, a trail race
may is the 1/2 Mary Pig and Triple T
June is a local tri
July is a half in upstate NY and possibly an Xterra tri
And late August isIMKY!!!
And then November is LC Worlds.

yay!

Four Christmases is coming.

And I picked up a Band of Horses album this evening. it's fab.

Yuck!

I had forgotten how awful it feels to be sick. But it feels BAD! The constant headache, the kind that feels like your eyeballs might explode. And the scratchy sore throat, that if you were to simultaneously yell and raise your voice two octaves, you'd surely rupture some vocal chords. And the grogginess that makes you feel like you took about four Tylenol PM and then committed to an all-nighter. And then there are the aches. Oh, the aches! Like I just started back up at the gym after months away. Add to that sinus drainage and nausea, oh, and the lovely ashen color of the skin. Yeah, it's beautiful.

And I have a marathon in, wait, what day is it? um...four days? Ugh. I'm taking in as much fluid as I can. And the Vitamin C and Zinc are pulsing through my veins. I may or may not have slept 18 of the last 24 hours. Fun times. The last time I was sick like this was just before Triple T in the spring. And I had a fabulous weekend of racing, so let's hope this is just the universe's way of making me taper.

Before my hibernation period, I did have some fun. After an exciting Thanksgiving, complete with scrabble and headstands, a busy Black Friday and a not-so-busy Saturday at work, I got out for a mountain bike ride with a friend on Sunday. It was my first ride on a real bike with someone who knows how to ride. And I only went over the handle bars once! I asked for some tips, but I didn't really get any except, "try just using the back brake. that way you just slide out instead of flipping over". GENIUS!! So, yeah, it's not for my own riding ability that it only happened once. And I guess when you've been riding for 10 years, you forget what it's like to ride for the first time.

After a couple hours on the trails, I came home and went for an amazing hour run. I was feeling really inspired. Some new ideas and possibilities have come to light and they came through in my run. And then the dreaded sickness hit. Speaking of which, I need to go take a nap. I think my brain is melting and oozing out my nostrils.

i've got it good

in the spirit of thanksgiving, i've been thinking all week about how good i've got it. i mean, i have a great family. my dad has taken me in. and he and my step mom have been nothing but welcoming and loving and supportive during this part of my life. and my mom has been helping me keep my head up. and my friends and training partners have been lifesavers.

i've got my health. and my body allows me to do things that my mind doesn't always believe possible.

thanksgiving morning started with an hour and a half swim practice. the comeraderie of a group of adults that get up to be in the pool by 5:30am on a holiday is pretty unreal. and a coach that is dedicated enough to get up to give us a workout is nearly unheardof.

and from there, a group of us went downtown to join 10,000 others for 101st running of the Thanksgiving Day 10k. the weather was predicted to be cold and rainy. and it was rainy. and very wet. but it ended up being about 57 degrees when i pulled up at 8:15.

i didn't have any real goals going into this race since i don't really know my fitness and i had just swam about 4k. but the previous night, i was lying in bed and i had this spark ignite in me that was just ready to take on the racing and the big workout. and to just have fun with it.

and i ended up running a 42:10, which i was really happy about. and i had fun. and i think nearly all the men i train with beat me. but not by a ton.

and from there, i joined about 100 others to socialize at a local spot before heading home for a hot shower and taking a friend to my mom's for turkey and crazy games of scrabble. it was 5pm before i realized i hadn't eaten since 7:30am. so it was a good thing there was a plethora of food. mom made an amazing meal. and there were lots of laughs. i went to bed last night feeling really fortunate. i need to tap into this more often.

idiocracy

This morning, by 7am, I had already completed an 8 mile run, had coffee, a protein shake and was uploading pics on my netbook. Why? Well, it's a long story, but my phone died, which I typically use as an alarm clock. So, I was simply dependent upon my wrist watch and internal clock to wake me. When I saw that my watch read 5:15, I popped out of bed, got some coffee, took the Clubber out... and then saw that it was actually 4:36. Ugh. I hadn't set my watch back with the end of daylight savings. In short, I am an idiot.

The good news? This is what I was wearing for the run. In Ohio. On November 22. And it wasn't on a dare. And I was sweating! It doesn't even seem right. But I'm not complaining.

And yesterday, our team had a swim clinic. When seeing the bruises and scrapes up my legs, coach asked what happened. "I fell out running on the trails. I dunno. I'm an idiot?" his response? "We all are. Some of us just bruise easier."

Luckily, I went to my niece's birthday party Saturday evening and took a few laps around the roller skating rink. And didn't fall! But I did feel very unstable. And silly. But it was fun.

Oh...what else? Well, Thursday, I had a four hour interview with a bank. I'd forgotten what it was like to wear a suit and heels all day. I suppose I've been a little spoiled with wearing torn jeans and tanks and hoodies. I then stopped by my old office to cause some disruption. And then home for a quick change before heading to a wine tasting fundraiser for the Salvation Army. And it was on my way there that I began to panic a little

Until this point, I just assumed that the easy thing to do for right now would be to go back to what I know, career-wise. And then I realized what I'd be resigning myself to. Flourescent lighting. And long days. And lack of creativity. And sitting at a desk. In front of a computer. All day. Every day. And I'm not sure I'm really cut out for that. I suppose time will tell. I still have so many questions.

So, Friday, I got up and went for a run. And had lunch with old coworkers, stopped at Reser's to hang out before the moonlight ride, went for another run (which was better than the first!), got a quick snack and headed back to the bike shop for the social ride. And afterward, there was some more socializing. With beer and snacks and lots of laughs and fun, new friends and old.

In short, my days have been full. And yesterday, all I wanted to do was chill out and sit on the couch and read. But, as I mentioned, we had a swim clinic. And then Ack and I went for a trail run and then I had errands to run. Eight hours after leaving the house in the morning, I was back home to FINALLY sit down and read. But I fell asleep on the couch.

I awoke later, after dreaming of tootsie rolls and crying phone calls, to finish the Celestine Prophecy. And that book has me thinking. The premise is that there are no coincidences. Hmm. Who knows?

This coming week is, again, sure to be full with work and play and Thanksgiving and Black Friday. Time to get working on Christmas gifts and baking. And I suppose I should have a taper plan in place for this trail marathon in less than two weeks...

Inspired

That pretty much describes my life right now.

I think it started last Thursday at swim practice. Aaron gave us some crazy sets, seemingly impossible for me. And I made them! (as did a few others) and he was so stoked at the end of practice, he was shouting "now that was INSPIRED swimming!" I'm not sure what was in his G2 that morning...or maybe he really is just a sadist.

Now that I'm thinking about it, maybe the inspiration began before that. I took a chance on something and walked away surprised. In a good way. Ok, maybe a great way. So, I bought my first lottery ticket on Wednesday.

And didn't win shit. But it was my dad's birthday. And we ate Mexican.

So, Thursday, I stopped by my old landlord's house to pick up a package that had been delivered to my old place. And don't ya know, the strangest conversations occur when you aren't expecting them... She and her husband shared something with me that left him crying, her gushing and me wiping tears. In a good way.

So I had a lot to think about on my long run Friday before work. And as I laid in bed that night, I made a deal with myself that if I got up and ran a 5k in the morning and did well, I could go to Brew Ha Ha that night. So, I got up and ran. And I won that 5k!

Sunday, I went down to Ironman Louisville to watch some friends at the finish. I got to see Bree Wee finish with huge smiles and high fives. And I saw men so full of excitement that they nearly knocked over the finish line volunteers. I saw people collapse and get wheeled off to medical. I watched couples embrace, overcome with the emotion that is Ironman...

I had forgotten. Sometimes, we get so jaded because we do this all day every day. And we surround ourselves with others that do the same. We demand more from ourselves. We want to be faster, stronger, better. It's never enough. Sometimes, we forget that what we do everyday is actually pretty amazing.

This was the first time I'd had the opportunity to watch the finish of such an event. And I found myself weeping, watching. It brought back the feeling of crossing that line for the first time. Or even the second. And it made me wat it again. We do it every day, but it's such a special feeling of accomplishment. One long day of swim-bike-run and you walk away a different person.

Gettin' back my mojo

I'm not really sure what happened, but this last week was huge for me. Other than getting pulled over and searched, I really had a great time. I ran a lot. I talked with people in the shop. I got some time with friends and family. And I had a couple good workouts.

I decided early in the week, since one of the perks of working at the shop is that it's free, that I would race the mini tri (1k swim, 40k bike, 10k run) at Great Buckeye on Sunday. My confidence has been lacking. And I was feeling out of shape, so I figured this could just act as a test.

And lo and behold, somehow, I pulled out my first overall win!!!

I think it's just because none of my uber fast teammates were racing. We had perfect weather and I led start to finish. And my dad came out to witness. It was fun.

And most of all, it was just another affirmation that I'm going to be ok. In fact, I went out for a ride with a guy, whom I haven't known very long, on Friday and he was surprised at how much I was smiling and laughing. He just doesn't know that's how I typically am. How sad is that??

I'm getting back to me. And it feels good.

Random Musings

Apparently there are five (or seven, depending on the methodology of choice) stages of the grief process. Yeah, I guess I may be grieving. The good news is that I'm in stage four (or six) of the five (or seven). The bad news is that this stage would be "depression", defined as "overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity, mourning loss of person as well as the hopes, dreams and plans for the future. Feeling lack of control, feeling numb."

Yes, it's fun. Very thrilling.

So, I'm getting my ass out and applying for jobs. And having lunch with friends. And going back to swim practice. The crap part is that when it comes to the run and bike, I feel like a slug. I keep thinking it'll come back, but then I get this overwhelming fear that it won't. But it will, right? It has to.

Just like the dude sitting next to me at the airport HAS to leave at some point. I mean, every 30 seconds or so, I get a big whiff of spicy sausage...in the form of a belch. And it's making me nauseous. If I didn't have all my shit splayed out, I'd move.

Speaking of moving, I was driving here and got stuck behind this vehicle. It's like, I knew the driver was fat without even having seen them. They moved all slow like. And that wasn't the dead giveaway...it was the fact that they had a million things - books, a box of tissues, a hand towel, a map, an animal carcass (kidding) - on that little platform behind the back seat. And, as I went to pass said driver, sure enough, I was right.

I think it would be these kinds of thoughts that bring me misfortune. Ya know, if you believe in karma. The girls at work used to call me "evil". But I wasn't (and still am not) evil. I just say the things that everyone else is afraid to say. I'm honest. And, frankly, I think we could use a little more honesty in this world.

I had lunch today at Chipotle with those girls from work. I ate too much and I couldn't come close to finishing that monstrosity of a burrito. I wish I'd ordered extra beans so I could battle it out with the sausage boy next to me. Anyway, it was good getting back in touch with them. But weird to see them all in their dress clothes. And me in my shorts and tank top. They were jealous. Ha.

I'm working the Devou Park Crit tonight. But I hear thunder outside... I suppose if it gets rained out, I will be applying to more jobs. And waiting for the spunk to return to my legs.

One day at a time

They use that mantra in recovery a lot. And I suppose I'm in recovery. Ya know, from having my chest opened up and my heart removed, squeezed in a vice grip and left helplessly beating at a low rate in the devoid cavern of my self..only to stand, shocked in silence watching it all go down without aid of anesthesia, ignorant in medicine and queasy at the sight of blood...

Ok, that's a little dramatic. Besides, my mom is a nurse. And my friends are nurse anesthetists and doctors and...bankers. and bloggers.

But really, I've been in IL for a week now and it doesn't feel like it's been that long. The strange part is that each day, I get up and train and eat and talk with friends. Oh, yeah, I also think a lot. I've spent most of my time here alone. But I think it's been healing. I take each day as it comes. And sometimes, I'm even shocked at the emotions that suddenly arise in me. I've run the gammut this past week with tears and laughter, smiles, sorrow, pain, anger, ambivalence, frustration, fear, joy, gratitude, pride, shame, confusion and clarity. I guess that's probably pretty normal for a female though, right?

Anyway, my point is, that life is always about the here and now. Nothing we can do about the past and the future is so totally unknown! So it's just one day at a time. And it's all you guys that help me keep that in perspective. All my friends and family and readers and perfect strangers. When times get tough, the human race seems to be pretty supportive.

Speaking of support, I feel like i need a fucking gurtle right now. It's taper week for Musselman. And after all the over-activity last week, I feel like a fat sloth. But that's also normal. What's not normal is having your 30th birthday- filled with steak dinner, cupcakes, ice cream cake, beer - stuck in taper week. Don't get me wrong, it's been an amazingly fun last couple days...

My mom came into town on the 4th, after I'd spent some time pounding the pavement and hanging out at the pool, getting ever bronzer...and post-small town parade watching with granny... So, she got here, we cleaned up and walked downtown to this little corner pub and played songs on the jukebox and caught up. We waited until midnight to toast my actual birthday before heading home. Ya know, I've spent my birthday in Galveston, in Vegas, in Belize, in Cincy, at clubs, rolling down hills watching fireworks, playing with sparklers, racing...but never in the same town in which I was born, drinking beer with my mom over old country songs intermixed with Jay-Z and the Stones.  But it was perfect.

And then for my birthday, we slept in and got wrapped up in Khloe and Kourtney Take on Miami. Seriously. It's addictive. Surprise, surprise, this is part of what I do in my down time with a focus on training. I finally got around to my run in the hot, hot heat around noon. We sat in the yard and visited with granny...and watched Clubber devour a canteloupe before again, cleaning up. Only this time it was a tame steak dinner at Firefly Grill and it ended up being a relatively early night so I could get up and kill myself with intervals on the bike in this brutal wind and sun.

Now, the focus is simply on resting and recovering for Musselman on Sunday. Headed back to the 'Nati in the morning. And looking forward to a fun little road trip to upstate New York!

Half way there

Holy crap. The year is already half over. I'm just a few days from turning 30. It's the kind of day I just want to go out and ride and ride and ride. It's the kind of day I lie in bed (even if bed is a couch right now) with my Clubby.

It's the kind of day I get up and make a big pancake with sliced bananas. And I wait for the pool to open (12:30pm, really??). And I chat with friends. And I wonder about things. And I fend off the kind of meltdown that struck a couple nights ago. I think about the possibilities I have. I entertain the opportunities. I regain some focus. I laugh at how I told some dude "it was fun dropping" him last night. I think about the people in my life. I think about those no longer in my life. And I'm stunned by the lack of faith and hope and resolve some people have. And I'm amazed at how much others empower us. I am staggered by what some will tolerate. And I smile at the stories I'm told. And I'm flattered by the comments. And I'm going to go ride and ride and ride now.

Effingham. Population:12,400

Luckily, in that 12,400, there are about 20 cyclists. And two bike shops.

I started the morning...in bed. And then in granny's kitchen (i think i've mentioned she lives next door. like, a driveway/20 ft separate her and mom's doors. weird. believe me. i love my mom. will NEVER be able to live in such close proximity..) with my aunt, drinking coffee and listening to granny tell the same stories she told three months ago (she's 91...patience...she thinks i go walking all the time when i'm training. ha ha ha). And then I kitted up and headed out for a ride. I stopped in the LBS here in town and asked about group rides. One. Tonight. Maybe four people. 18mph avg. They recommended another shop. I went out to the country to clear my head. It's absolutely gorgeous out here. Nothing but farmland, cattle, fields, blue skies, billowing clouds. I even found a few hills. Seriously. Actual climbs!! And I think it was a prarie dog that nearly got run over. I saw farm machines I didn't even know existed! I rode on gravel for a half mile and was attacked by four dogs...

On my way back in, I found the Uphill Grind. Dick, shop dude, gave me the low down on the group rides, the riders, etc. He wants to go watch the boys hurt tomorrow night. he he he. This is good for me.

From there it was home for a quick snack and to the pool for lap swimming!! But, dude...meters are so much different than yards. I'm not used to that. sooooo slooooowww.... I got in what I needed. I laid out in the sun after.

I got encouraging words from friends. I fought the urge to call and tell him about my day. You guys are awesome.

Yep, yep, yep!

So, for the first time in my life, I am jobless and homeless. And somehow, I'm more at peace right now than I have been in quite some time. I know not what lies before me. I have a rough plan, but it's sooo vague. something like this: stay here at mom's in IL and bust my ass training for the next week. Take advantage of naps. And the time and ability to prepare meals. And mow granny's lawn. And sit and watch TV with her.

I have a long couple weeks of chaos and a few great days of training behind me now. Saturday was a long, sweaty, humid 16 miles in the hills of eden park, hyde park, and a surprise visit on the flats from my TTT partner, Scott. And Sunday was 105 miles on the bike, 50 by myself as I went back to get the truck of a buddy who was severely dehydrated. The ride was mostly flat, but I didn't once feel like I wanted to get off and throw the thing into the bushes. I just focused on cadence. And pedal stroke. and relaxing my upper body, not curing my toes, looking straight ahead, all those things I've been taught by the amazing people brought into my life for whatever reason.

Friday was my last day at work. I got cards and hugs and went home to frantically pack so I could leave for Galveston, TX the next morning. And it was then that I started to worry. It was then that I wanted some reprieve from the chaos, from the go go go that had become my life over the last couple weeks. And on my Saturday morning run, I decided TX was not the place for me at the moment. I needed some solitude, some time to hush my mind, some time to sleep peacefully, some time to just get away. And figure things out.

I went to the Hyde Park Blast Saturday night. And saw so many friends. I got so many hugs. I had so much support; so many kind words. And it meant the world to me. I was, once again, reminded of all the amazing people in the world, in my life. I'm quite the fortunate girl.

I was actually kinda grateful for those miles alone on Sunday, rushing back to the truck to rescue Todd, those miles spent in the rain, the heat, the smog. It gave me time to reflect. I was granted time to focus. And I realized I've been given the greatest opportunity the universe allows...the ability to go wherever life takes me. I simply have no ties. I have amazing friends and the best dad ever in Cincy, but I have friends all over the country. I have no less than 50 offers for places to stay. So, to the-middle-of-nowhere-IL I went. To stay in an empty house next door to my 91 year old granny. And that's where I am. With lots of country roads to ride, a few hills to run, a pool with a lap lane, and relatives on the lake.

And yet, deep down, that one persuasive voice keeps lulling me. But I cut it off today. There have been so many empty promises. So many "i'm gonna do this"'s. And I haven't been through all this shit to not realize a thing or two. No matter how much I might want someone to do something and follow through, no matter how much I love someone, I love and respect me more. And I know I deserve to live a dream. Because that's how I want to live. And we all have a choice. That's my choice. This is my dream. And I'm living it.

More TTT pics and favorite race moments

There are several things about the weekend which I left out. First and foremost, the format of the race, which is as follows:

* Race #1 - Fri, 5pm - Super Sprint - 250m swim, 5 mile bike, 1 mile run - time trial start - no drafting!
* Race #2 - Sat, 7:30am -Olympic AM - 1500m swim, 24.8 mile bike, 6.55 mile run - time trial start, no drafting!
* Race #3 - Sat, 3pm - Olympic PM - 24.8 mile bike, 1500m swmi, 6.55 mile run - teams MUST start and finish together - time trial start - Drafting allowed among each team ONLY!
* Race #4 - Sun, 7am - Half Iron - 1.2mile swim, 55.5 mile bike, 13.1 mile run - teams MUST start and finish together - time trial start - Drafting allowed among each team ONLY!

I was 1/2 of a coed team. We were competing for:

* 1st Place Coed Team - (2 $1500 WheelieFun Gift Card, 2 Hammer Nutrition Packages**)
* 2nd Place Coed Team - (2 Garmin Forerunners, 2 Transition Bags, 2 Hammer Nutrition Packages**)

* 3rd Place Coed Team - (2*wetsuits, 2 Hammer Nutrition Packages**)

I already have a sleeveless and a sleeved wetsuit. We weren't vying for third place.This is me and Scott G., my partner, during the last race.

We also had to wear these hideous jerseys for all four races. And the pockets were on each side (think love handle look when you have gels in said pockets), which did not lead to flattering pictures. And they were not exactly breatheable. And they held water. like. you. wouldn't. believe. Putting on a cold, wet, stinky, jersey first thing in the morning isn't the most pleasant of things.

I had so many friends doing this race. It's only 90 mins from Cincy, so lots of my teammates were out on the course, as well as my new coach, who told me he was "seeing God" as I cheered him on, running in the opposote direction. This is me and my buddy, Ackerman. We train together quite a bit. And I'm gonna miss the crap out of him now that we'll be on different training schedules.

The water was REALLY frickin' cold. I didn't wear a wetsuit for the Super Sprint on Friday since it was so short, but I was prepped to wear it Saturday. It rained (ie- electricity went out, tornado sirens were blaring, and the beach disappeared). I wasn't exactly prepped for the water to be even colder Saturday. Here I am chatting with my friend, Amy, and her partner before race #2. Nice bedhead.

Post race #2. Or #3? This is a redneck's ice bath.

And this is my timing chip stripper. He came for me every time, told me he likes legs after the first race. And after the last one, I was his "other girlfriend". Actually, he also fetched me a Coke and told my mom that he's from Wisconsin and that her "sister or daughter is the sweetest girl!" Yes, folks, I'm moving to WI!

This guy...well, just look.

I love running. Evidenced by the beaming smile.

I was registered for TTT last year, but got sick and couldn't compete. I've worked hard to get back to doing what I love. And to do it as best I can. Out on that run course, I had a few moments where I literally got chills when I heard people cheering for me. Sometimes, it all just feels really surreal. And my mom caught that moment just as the tears began to flow at the end of the race. Because I had something to gain here. I had some closure to attain.

I have the greatest parents. Mom and dad were both there. Mom captured me and dad having a moment.

TRIPLE T RR

Race #1 - was over before it even started. And it was just a lot of heavy breathing. That short stuff is for the birds! Time 25:30

Race #2- i was instructed to take it easy cause the real race wasn't to begin until the afternoon oly. Sleeveless wetsuit was a poor choice. That water was frigid!!! feet were numb through the bike and the course got changed because of a downed tree.didn't matter much to me. It was all fun. And i barely remember the run. Probably because i was cheering for everyone i passed. time - 2:39

race #3 - i was afraid i was gonna slow Scott down. But the bike went smoothly. He pulled on the flats and before i knew it, i was trying to put on my wetsuit. Over sweat. I also flirted with one of the volunteers in transition. This came to be very helpful later. Swim was cold, but relatively uneventful. Scott was gettin his shoes on when i ran into t2. and flirtatious volunteer stripped me immediately. So we got outta transition quickly. And out for the run. Which i love! we took it easy on the way out and brought it in quicker. Time - 2:33

race #4- going into this race, we knew we were sitting in second place, but we weren't sure of the margin. apparently, Scott thought the race began at 7:30. not the case. I was panicked because he wasn't around. He rolled up sans goggles as i was on the mat. Again, cold cold water. Out of the water and Scott was already suited up. Yes, he has gills. He stripped my suit and we were off on the bike. That first lOng climb was fun. I was a little concerned about going out too hard on the first loop, but that's the genius of having a partner. The key was to keep taking in calories. We made a quick stop at special needs to fill up on fluids The second loop seemed to go more quickly, but that may be due to the fact that we were playing tag with Scott and andrea Meyer, who were sitting in 3rd place. After bombing down 125 one last time and peeing yet again, it was a quick t2 and out for the run. Strategy: go easy until the last 2.5 miles and take fluids at every aid station. And no walking!! Scott had to talk me through the top of the first hill, but then i found my legs and started smiling again. I loved seeing so many familiar faces, cheering on other e2 and CE peeps and generally just racing. I got a little overzealous on the downhills and the guys were making cracks on Scott not being able to hang, but truly, we were a great match for this race. We won this race time - 5:21.58

we weren't able to make up the time that the first team had led, but we came in a very respectable 2nd overall.(by just 4 mins). And we won hammer nutrition packs, a TYR transition bag and a Garmin 305!!! An AMAZING weekend!! So much fun!!!! Can't believe this is MY life. wow.

what's happening

 - I did my first TT of the season on Tuesday evening. I took 16 seconds off my best time from last year. I had forgotten how much these things hurt. It was like going out and running a 5k after training for a marathon. Completely different zone. There is still much room for improvement.

- I have a pair of earrings of very sentimental value. About a month ago, I was wearing said earrings while out with a friend. We ventured to a restaurant, sat outside, inside, walked around town a bit, went to another venue to play pool...when I noticed one of them was missing. (gasp!) We retraced our steps to no avail. I hoped it would be found in his car. But two days later, he cleaned the car top to bottom (and he's quite OCD) with no sign of the earring. Flash forward to Tuesday evening. 9:30pm. My phone rings and it's my agnostic friend:

"You know how the Lord works in mysterious ways?"
me: "uh huh".
him: "I tucked my boys into bed and I went down to the basement to chill out. I see that my boys had left all their crap lying around. And honestly, I was kinda pissed off because there's shit everywhere. I go to pick up a pair of socks off the end of the couch...and there was your earring....lying on top of the sock"
me: "WTF?!?!? How?" as chills ran down the back of my neck.
Seriously. I have never stepped foot in his house. And I am not really sure how that thing ended up there.

 - Change is in the air. I got one of those "this is better than I could've imagined" kinda surprises on Tuesday evening as I was on my way to the TT. I will divulge more later. Stay tuned.


 - Instictively, I was up at 4:19 yesterday morning. After tossing for a half hour, I just decided to go get my track work done. I was informed just two days prior that someone had a dream in which I was stabbed to death. This is all I could think of as I ventured to the track. That lies under the bridge. Alone. In the dark. How's that for motivation to run like hell?

 - The humidity is back in the 'Nati. Half way through those 2 mile repeats (with a few 300s/400s/1200s thrown in for good measure), I looked as though I'd jumped in a pool. The sweat was flinging off my elbows and hitting the backs of my legs as I rounded the track again and again. And, of course, I was wearing a white sports bra.

 - Triple T is in just one short week.

Dirrrttty South

We all survived the Heart of the South 200. It was, by far, the most beautiful, picture perfect, amazing, difficult ride I've ever done. Mount Cheeha is no joke. According to my buddy's Garmin, we did over 14,000ft of climbing, though I don't know the accuracy of that information. Needless to say, it wasn't flat. I will post a full race report soon, and I did manage to attain my goal for the ride. I'll leave you with this picture of our good-looking team, even after being in the saddle for hours and hours.

old friends, new adventures and the importance of listening

So, it's been a while...ya know, since I've had anything interesting to say. I've been reading everyone else, hoping to gain some inspiration. But my wit has left me.

This must mean I'm tired.
Or maybe I'm not really witty.

Some fun things...
 - Friday, I picked up my bike from 1919. New chain, new bar tape, new cleats, and squeaky clean. That all changed Saturday. But it lasted for all of about 12 hours.
 - I swam alone of Friday morning. I almost never do this because I hate it. I much rather have some company. But my buddy didn't show. So, I pretended to know the girl in the lane next to me and compete with her. Even though she wasn't aware of our new friendship. Or competition.
 - Friday evening was dinner at Dewey's Pizza with my teammates that are doing HOS 200 in two weeks. We also had some spouses, children and SAG peeps. I think our party totalled 12 in all. Never in my life have I seen so much pizza consumed by so few people. Or so few people who are not overweight. Anyway, we discussed strategy and nutrition. And checked out the course profile. The three that did it last year then told us how much it made them never want to ride again fun it was.
 - Saturday was track work followed by bike intervals. Again. This is another workout I hate doing alone so my old asst track coach joined me and a training buddy. Let me just say that 4x2000 @6:30 pace makes me want to shit my pants when placed at the end of three 20+hr/weeks. Old track coach dominated these with ~ 6:15 pace. He's doing the Hawaii 70.3 in June. He thinks he can qualify for Kona in the 40-44AG. Saturday was his first time on the bike in close to a year. And this will be his first HIM. Ever. We had an easy warm-up followed by 3x6miles at TT effort. We (training bud and I) averaged about 23mph, (which I realize isn't super speedy, but you go out and do track work and then try it; suffice to say, it hurts). And dropped old coach. I suppose his sights aren't impossible...but me thinks there may be a humbling process...I think so many people don't realize just how much work this stuff takes. I will keep you updated. Ya know, if anyone is interested.

About a year ago, I really learned the importance of listening to my body. It's crucial in training at a high(er) level.

Yesterday, my body was screaming at me.

First, I slept through my alarm. And got a total of 10 hours of sleep. I did a quick loosen spin on the trainer, showered and went to help out with registration at the Germantown Road Race. It was cold and windy and rainy. And I was glad to not be racing myself. I did run into some of the cyclists that were in TN a few weeks back. I also met a triathlete. It was his first road race. I told him not to annouce his status. Unless he wanted everyone to know he couldn't hold a line.

After all that hullabaloo, I went home to get on the trainer. Instead, my body told me to take a nap. I guess it hadn't registered to my body that we got ample sleep the previous night.

And soon enough, the pup needed to go out. She timed it perfectly between thunderstorms.

I took that wake-up call as an opportunity to actually get on the trainer. My legs felt fine. But after two hours, I bagged it. I was tired. And hungry. So I ate. And made some hot cocoa and watched Up. Oh what a sad little story. For a Pixar movie, it sure was suspenseful. That mean Alpha dog...and that old man who wanted to capture Kevin...and how Mr. Fredrickson just wanted to uphold his promise to Ellie...awe.

And just before bed, I received good tidings of great joy...RECOVERY WEEK!!!!
Good thing. Just two weeks before HOS.

Joy and pain, Sunshine and rain.

Saturday was the most beautiful first day of Spring. And it may have been a perfect day. In my mind.

It started with 5x1600 at the track with a couple training buddies. On not so fresh legs. But there were little boys playing soccer on the infield. And we got to watch the sun rise as we hit each interval. I felt strong. And tried to relax, especially during repeats 4 and 5. And during lap 3 of each one. I wasn't super speedy, but I was consistent, starting with the slowest at 6:32 and ending with a 6:24.

And straight from there, we piled in our cars and drove down to the park on the river to meet a group for a ride. A ride which entailed about 50 miles and 3x8mile TT efforts. Dear God. Those hurt. But the first one was worse than the third. The ride started with shoe covers and arm warmers and tights. And by the time it ended, the sun was shining bright and it was 70 degrees. I went home for a shower and food. And then I went back down to the park with a blanket and the pup and laid on the lawn. And that night I met a friend for a beer. I was determined to sleep in on Sunday.

but.... Sunday was forecasted to be cloudy/rainy and kinda cool. And then they said the rain would hold off til mid-afternoon. And I had five hours of riding to get in. So I set out at 9:15 to meet a buddy (and super strong cyclist). While I was waiting for his arrival, I ran into a couple guys at the gas station who were waiting for a ride that was coming along. They were just gonna hop on the back and go along. And then my riding partner came along. And he asked if I wanted do the same.

I looked at him and asked, in all seriousness, if I could hang with them. He told me I could hang with whomever I wanted. And "whoosh". There went the peleton.

We worked our way up to them. And we rode along nicely for a bit. I took my pull. He took his. And then the fatigue started to settle in. And I panicked. I started to think about how I had another four hours to ride. I told him I couldn't ride with those guys today. And he just told me to fall off the back whenever I wanted. So I did.

And soon the tears and snot were flying. I HATE failing. And I felt like a failure for not being able to hang with those guys for the whole ride. Or not wanting to hang with those guys. But truth was, it was supposed to be a long recovery ride for me. We pulled in a driveway and he let me gather my wits. Gosh, what a girl!

Within minutes we were back on the roads. And we rode and rode and rode. Up hills, through the country, into the wind. He let me hang on his wheel when my legs started suffering. We stopped for peanut butter crackers and more water. And on the way toward home, he took me to a point that was through the worst part of the traffic.

Six hours later, I was home. And in dire need of real food. And a nap with the pup. She missed me too.

All in all, it was an amazing weekend. The rain held off until dark. And the sun actually made an appearance. And I got some quality time in the saddle. And on the track. And with friends and training partners. I learned a little bit about myself and listening to my body.

I'm not a cyclist for real

After a pre-swim shake-out run and then a 4k Masters practice and work, I joined a group leaving from the LBS that's just two blocks from my apartment. I was seriously afraid to join the "fast group", but also didn't really like the look of the crowd that was headed out for the casual ride. (Wow. That sounds so snobby. But it's true.) So, I went for it with the fast dudes.

A few telling signs that it's still very early in the season: a group of 12 males cyclists and half of them have leg hair. Pace groups broke out quickly. And i was in the lead pack. The faces of many were bright red due to increased HR and blood pressure after about 15 minutes of steady riding.

At one point, we came to an intersection and didn't know which way to go. As we waited for the group leader (and directions), we began to soft pedal toward the direction from which we came. When we spotted them coming, it was time for a U-turn. At which point I unclipped and made a granny-style U-turn. One of the guys kinda smirked/giggled at this move. That's when I stated "I'm not a cyclist for real". To which he replied "Well, you're fooling a lot of the guys tonight."

We then headed up a rather steep hill. I dropped into my small chain ring and started the grind up. My chain slipped and almost sent me head first over my handlebars.

This happened again after I took a pull and we again headed up hill. Small chain ring, chain slipped. This time, several of the guys saw it. Kinda freaked. I popped it back up to the big ring and carried on, got a pull from my buddy to the front again and hammered home.

Back at the LBS, buddy took a look at my chain to see if it was stretched or scratched. And that's when I kinda picked the bike up. And heard a slight rattle from the rear end.

And realized my back wheel wasn't locked in!!!

That could've been bad. And I felt like a total retard. But a very lucky retard. Note to self- change out the trainer spindle when taking the bike off the trainer. This will more likely ensure the wheel is locked on.

So, no, I'm not a cyclist for real. But I've been riding a lot. I rode last night with my buddy, Ackerman. We went to Ault Park, where they hold crits during the summer, to ride intervals.

I'd ridden hard the night before. And I ran an hour that morning. My legs were not fresh. And we had 15 loops to complete. Our loops started on the downhill, flattened and finished on an uphill. We used the top flat for recovery. Each loop took just over two mins.

After about ten, Ackerman told me that "In the spirit of the Holiday..." (really? St. Patrick's Day is an official holiday now?) he had a treat for me after the ride. This was supposed to encite motivation. Knowing him and his hippy ways, I knew this "treat" must entail beer.

We finished the intervals (and my legs cried for joy), did a cool down and as we were packing up our gear, he pulled out a bottle and pops the top of some Irish Ale home brew. He wrapped it in a t-shirt to conceal our wrong-doing. I was taking a swig when I heard "Hey!!"

I immediately looked to the left and saw...Aaron, our swim coach. And I yelled "ohhhh....busted!" At this point, I wasn't sure he knew to what I was referring. I got the feeling he may have thought we were making out or something. He waltzed over and introduced us to his fiance as Ackerman offered him some home brew. He declined, siting something about germaphobia. And then he audibly made the assumption we would not be attending Masters in the morning.

Let's just say I made it to practice. And Aaron took it easy on us. But you wouldn't know it because one of the guys actually split his shorts!