The proverbial straw that broke my back

Yesterday was a relatively good day. I had one of my best training sessions to date. A warm-up run followed by 4x(ride 4 miles hard, run 1 mile hard). I found a stretch of road near the high school track a couple miles longs with a railroad overpass (ie- hill coming from either direction) and I pounded it out. My mile splits got faster and faster, 7:05, 7:00, 6:45, 6:40. And then a nice cool down ride. And I was rather satisfied.

From there, I got a sandwich and went to the pool for some time in the sun. And a quick few laps. Unfortunately, by the time i got home, I was waaaay too hungry. I'd probably gotten myself into a bit of a glycogen debt. I had a hankering for a burrito and upon searching hopelessly for a Chipotle, found a little Mexican taqueria. I was the only gringo in the joint, but I made a mad dash for home to scarf it down and knew I'd still not consumed enough. I later had some sugar free ice cream (there are no treats in this house, so I went next door and raided granny's diabetic sweets).

Then came nightfall. And as tired as I was, my mind wouldn't shut off. I'm finding evenings to be the most difficult times. I tried the couch, the floor, TV, no TV, crosswords, tea, sitting on the porch, reading blogs, sending emails... Nothing seemed to help. I tossed and turned and maybe got four hours of sleep before awaking this morning for some coffee before this group ride.

There were six of us in total. We circled the block over and over waiting for all to arrive before heading out on the road. Right away, we picked up the pace. And I could feel it. In my legs. In my mind. All of me was wanting nothing more than to just go home, curl in a ball and sleep for hours on end. But I kept riding, now just trying to suck wheel instead of taking pulls. I tried to stay positive in my mind. But I didn't know the roads. And I had about 230 riding miles and a couple run speed sessions on my legs. And we hit a road covered in gravel. In a pace line. Going prett fast. I dropped back a little. One wrong move by the wheel in front or any lack of signalling and I didn't want to be a casualty. And that little gap got bigger. I just let them go. ANd mentally, I went too. Like off the deep end.

When we regrouped, I said something about how that wasn't safe and in return, received some remarks...and then I got a little mouthy with the coach in the group. And in my mind, I was going BALLISTIC!!! Instead, I just picked up my toys and went the other direction. I got within a safe distance and wailed. and bawled. and made a few phone calls. and got voicemails.

The heartache. And the fear. The disappointment. And the lack of stability. And the pain. Not enough calories. No quality sleep. Too much sun. All the miles. The speed work. Packing. Travelling. Living out of a suitcase. Turning 30. Just wanting things to be easy for a while. The desire to go home...and having no home! It all caught up to me. And that gravel is what broke me. I didn't know where the hell I was. And it didn't even matter. I could've fallen in a heap on the ground and not gotten up for hours. But I mentally gathered myself and pulled out the GPS and got back to mom's, where I now sit and think about how word spreads like wildfire in a small town. And they'll all think I'm some kind of whack job cry baby. But really leaving the group ride had nothing to do with the gravel or the guys riding. And everything to do with everything else.

I think I need a break. even if just for the remainder of today.

The track, the road and running the human race

"It's because we have feelings and thought to battle one another that we are so complex. You wouldn't like being a sheep, but then again, if you were a sheep, you wouldn't know any different. And sheep can't do Ironman" - a good friend

It's been a challenging past 24 hours, emotionally. Physically, I've had a couple great workouts. Actually, I've had pretty great workouts all week.

That track work on Wednesday evening was a little more painful than I remember...

This also happened to be the evening that my high school track shorts decided to lose their elasticity. So, my mile repeats entailed run, run, run, pull up the shorts that are even double rolled at the waist. Pretty hilarious, actually. Man, I loved those shorts. Those are the shorts I ran my first (and only outside of IM) marathon in...along with a regular cotton t-shirt, the shorts that I ran so many miles in, shorts I q'ed for Boston in. But, i suppose it's time to retire them, considering they're over 12 years old...

After my mile repeats, I did some bounding drills, some high knees, some strides and then I sat and stretched. Exhausted.

Thursday morning was swim practice. And yes, Aaron wants to hurt me. We did 12x50, then 10x50 and then 12x100 on 1:25!! And then it was MASSAGE TIME!!! Thank God! That TT on Tues, then track work on Wed and two hard swims, weights...I was in need.

Them after work, on to a quick brick. I was also given caution by coach "If you at all feel tired, go home and SHUT it down! Remember, it's only been a couple weeks since IM". But I felt good. And I met a fellow rider...we chatted as we rode hills. Made the time go by. And then home for an easy 15 min t-run.

After some restless sleep and emational distress, I awoke this morning needing a run. I just needed to clear my head, wipe away some spider webs and get rid of the dust between my ears. I told myself I'd just go short and easy. But I felt good, so I opted for a 45 min run.

And I got home to find that Coach had sent me my workouts for the next three days... and guess what today was?? A 45 min run! It was dark and the city was quiet. And I was up early enough to go to the grocery before work as well!  So, tonight, i think i'll walk down to the bookstore and get a new copy of Triathlete for some weekend training motivation...

When I'm feelin' blue...

...all I have to do, is take a look at...

then I'm not so blue... and I'm laughing my ass off!

I'm not currently blue, but I love that dance. Ha.

Last night's run went fairly well. Started out with a 20 mins at a moderate pace. Then, 7x2 min pick-ups with 3 mins easy after each. The only bad thing, is that when I run alone, I have a hard time keeping the easy part EASY. I finished with a 15 min cool-down and a quick stretch.

This morning, I woke up and ran to Walgreens, in the rain, to get ibuprofen. My hips ache. When I sleep on my side, it's worse. I woke up a few nights ago crying because even after I rolled on my back, the pain didn't dissipate after 15 mins. I hope nothing is severely wrong.

Today marks my second and last day of work for the week! And, I'm leaving early. I've got to go home and finish packing (being an athlete and packing is never easy. It entails bringing so much stuff! - swim gear, including paddles and buoy, running shoes, sports bras, cold weather gear, shorts for the gym, and then all the stuff you need for normal every day activities, like jeans, heels, sweaters...) and then get up to Dayton. Our flight leaves at 7:05am tomorrow. We've got a few places to view and we're visiting the chiropractor, running the Boardwalk, joining Masters swim practice, training...and just gettin' the hell outta Dodge! Wee-hoo!