Tuesday, July 6, 2010

One day at a time

They use that mantra in recovery a lot. And I suppose I'm in recovery. Ya know, from having my chest opened up and my heart removed, squeezed in a vice grip and left helplessly beating at a low rate in the devoid cavern of my self..only to stand, shocked in silence watching it all go down without aid of anesthesia, ignorant in medicine and queasy at the sight of blood...

Ok, that's a little dramatic. Besides, my mom is a nurse. And my friends are nurse anesthetists and doctors and...bankers. and bloggers.

But really, I've been in IL for a week now and it doesn't feel like it's been that long. The strange part is that each day, I get up and train and eat and talk with friends. Oh, yeah, I also think a lot. I've spent most of my time here alone. But I think it's been healing. I take each day as it comes. And sometimes, I'm even shocked at the emotions that suddenly arise in me. I've run the gammut this past week with tears and laughter, smiles, sorrow, pain, anger, ambivalence, frustration, fear, joy, gratitude, pride, shame, confusion and clarity. I guess that's probably pretty normal for a female though, right?

Anyway, my point is, that life is always about the here and now. Nothing we can do about the past and the future is so totally unknown! So it's just one day at a time. And it's all you guys that help me keep that in perspective. All my friends and family and readers and perfect strangers. When times get tough, the human race seems to be pretty supportive.

Speaking of support, I feel like i need a fucking gurtle right now. It's taper week for Musselman. And after all the over-activity last week, I feel like a fat sloth. But that's also normal. What's not normal is having your 30th birthday- filled with steak dinner, cupcakes, ice cream cake, beer - stuck in taper week. Don't get me wrong, it's been an amazingly fun last couple days...

My mom came into town on the 4th, after I'd spent some time pounding the pavement and hanging out at the pool, getting ever bronzer...and post-small town parade watching with granny... So, she got here, we cleaned up and walked downtown to this little corner pub and played songs on the jukebox and caught up. We waited until midnight to toast my actual birthday before heading home. Ya know, I've spent my birthday in Galveston, in Vegas, in Belize, in Cincy, at clubs, rolling down hills watching fireworks, playing with sparklers, racing...but never in the same town in which I was born, drinking beer with my mom over old country songs intermixed with Jay-Z and the Stones.  But it was perfect.



And then for my birthday, we slept in and got wrapped up in Khloe and Kourtney Take on Miami. Seriously. It's addictive. Surprise, surprise, this is part of what I do in my down time with a focus on training. I finally got around to my run in the hot, hot heat around noon. We sat in the yard and visited with granny...and watched Clubber devour a canteloupe before again, cleaning up. Only this time it was a tame steak dinner at Firefly Grill and it ended up being a relatively early night so I could get up and kill myself with intervals on the bike in this brutal wind and sun.


Now, the focus is simply on resting and recovering for Musselman on Sunday. Headed back to the 'Nati in the morning. And looking forward to a fun little road trip to upstate New York!

9 comments:

Christi said...

Good luck at Musselman!

Aimee (I Tri To Be Me) said...

Taking one day at a time...that is sometimes all you can do. It sounds like you are taking the time to figure things out and to heal, which is a good thing.
Your birthday, spending time with your mom in your home town, sounds so nice to me. It must have been really nice for you to have your mom there!

Good luck at Musselman..you are going to do great! :)

Carolina John said...

You are such a cool cat I know you'll land on your feet. Stay classy San Fransisco!

Good luck at Mussleman.

The Iron Curtains said...

30 will be your best year yet! You'll see. It's almost as good as 31. Amanda, you won't know it for a while longer, but how lucky you are to have experienced all this! And then to share it with us! We're all here for you. Have fun at Musselman!!! It looks amazing!

Mary IronMatron said...

happy birthday! something magical will happen at Musselman--I feel it. :)

Kim said...

Happy happy amanda!! I am sending you good vibes for muuselman. This time last year we met and you killed it. This year will only be better. Xoxo

Colleen said...

It really sounds like this trip was the best thing for you. I'm glad to hear that you are keeping up with life and hopefully moving forward! :) Big hugs to you!

Matty O said...

"ambivalence" Alright, I am an engineer and I had to look that one up haha!

Sounds like you are out in the country with all that beef you are eating!

Nothing wrong with celebrating your birthday the "right" way, steak, cake, beer.

Been to Cincy a few times... not sure which is worse, cleveland or cincy. regardless, good ole ohio is fun none the less.

Good luck at your race, can't wait to read a race report!

Judi said...

you said "fucking". that's a 1st on this blog i think. girl, i had no idea MM was this weekend. and as far as the kardashians? omg, they are on e all fucking day long when i work. i cannot stand the sound of her voice and i would punch her in the face if i ever met her. and then i'd take her purse and run. LOL