Apparently there are five (or seven, depending on the methodology of choice) stages of the grief process. Yeah, I guess I may be grieving. The good news is that I'm in stage four (or six) of the five (or seven). The bad news is that this stage would be "depression", defined as "overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity, mourning loss of person as well as the hopes, dreams and plans for the future. Feeling lack of control, feeling numb."
Yes, it's fun. Very thrilling.
So, I'm getting my ass out and applying for jobs. And having lunch with friends. And going back to swim practice. The crap part is that when it comes to the run and bike, I feel like a slug. I keep thinking it'll come back, but then I get this overwhelming fear that it won't. But it will, right? It has to.
Just like the dude sitting next to me at the airport HAS to leave at some point. I mean, every 30 seconds or so, I get a big whiff of spicy sausage...in the form of a belch. And it's making me nauseous. If I didn't have all my shit splayed out, I'd move.
Speaking of moving, I was driving here and got stuck behind this vehicle. It's like, I knew the driver was fat without even having seen them. They moved all slow like. And that wasn't the dead giveaway...it was the fact that they had a million things - books, a box of tissues, a hand towel, a map, an animal carcass (kidding) - on that little platform behind the back seat. And, as I went to pass said driver, sure enough, I was right.
I think it would be these kinds of thoughts that bring me misfortune. Ya know, if you believe in karma. The girls at work used to call me "evil". But I wasn't (and still am not) evil. I just say the things that everyone else is afraid to say. I'm honest. And, frankly, I think we could use a little more honesty in this world.
I had lunch today at Chipotle with those girls from work. I ate too much and I couldn't come close to finishing that monstrosity of a burrito. I wish I'd ordered extra beans so I could battle it out with the sausage boy next to me. Anyway, it was good getting back in touch with them. But weird to see them all in their dress clothes. And me in my shorts and tank top. They were jealous. Ha.
I'm working the Devou Park Crit tonight. But I hear thunder outside... I suppose if it gets rained out, I will be applying to more jobs. And waiting for the spunk to return to my legs.
Fudgy Black Bean Brownies
8 hours ago