Apparently there are five (or seven, depending on the methodology of choice) stages of the grief process. Yeah, I guess I may be grieving. The good news is that I'm in stage four (or six) of the five (or seven). The bad news is that this stage would be "depression", defined as "overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity, mourning loss of person as well as the hopes, dreams and plans for the future. Feeling lack of control, feeling numb."
Yes, it's fun. Very thrilling.
So, I'm getting my ass out and applying for jobs. And having lunch with friends. And going back to swim practice. The crap part is that when it comes to the run and bike, I feel like a slug. I keep thinking it'll come back, but then I get this overwhelming fear that it won't. But it will, right? It has to.
Just like the dude sitting next to me at the airport HAS to leave at some point. I mean, every 30 seconds or so, I get a big whiff of spicy sausage...in the form of a belch. And it's making me nauseous. If I didn't have all my shit splayed out, I'd move.
Speaking of moving, I was driving here and got stuck behind this vehicle. It's like, I knew the driver was fat without even having seen them. They moved all slow like. And that wasn't the dead giveaway...it was the fact that they had a million things - books, a box of tissues, a hand towel, a map, an animal carcass (kidding) - on that little platform behind the back seat. And, as I went to pass said driver, sure enough, I was right.
I think it would be these kinds of thoughts that bring me misfortune. Ya know, if you believe in karma. The girls at work used to call me "evil". But I wasn't (and still am not) evil. I just say the things that everyone else is afraid to say. I'm honest. And, frankly, I think we could use a little more honesty in this world.
I had lunch today at Chipotle with those girls from work. I ate too much and I couldn't come close to finishing that monstrosity of a burrito. I wish I'd ordered extra beans so I could battle it out with the sausage boy next to me. Anyway, it was good getting back in touch with them. But weird to see them all in their dress clothes. And me in my shorts and tank top. They were jealous. Ha.
I'm working the Devou Park Crit tonight. But I hear thunder outside... I suppose if it gets rained out, I will be applying to more jobs. And waiting for the spunk to return to my legs.
October in Review
2 days ago
8 comments:
If it gets rained out tonight, count me in for next Wednesday.
Amanda, I hope the next step in the grieving process is to pack up and move to the Bay Area in California! I don't understand why, but everyone here is happy (except for me). The sun shines every day. The triathlon training resources are first rate: hills, ocean, tracks, plus I know of a really great lake! ;) Think about it: you could do century rides in December. It's the perfect place for you to write that book. And if my friends can get jobs here, anyone can. Hey, whatever you decide, keep training. I think you're doing great! ev
Hi Amanda,
I was the Anon. post...by a keystroke mistake, I might add. We met at Doug Maxwell's Catch Me run earlier this year (via Judi's blog photos) where I tried to match your blistering pace (Didn't happen)! Anyway, I respect your passion for the sport and your insightful posts. I hope all goes smooth for you. Life is about balance. Be happy, enjoy what your doing and things will fall into place. BTW, what kind of work are you looking for?
TTFN
I love your randomness. I get flack for being too honest sometimes, and I need to work on my tact very badly. But...like you said, the world needs a little more honesty!
Yeah... so with your personality and tell it like it is ability... be a bartender. Not lying, probably make more money than most people too haha.
Men love that spunk while drinking away their pathetic lives :)
I do the same thing as you when I am driving, you can tell by their driving patterns that they are obese fat lards that can't bend their arms enough to grab the wheel and drive with their chubby elbows. Karma will bite me yes... but I don't understand why anyone enjoys waking up, looking in the mirror and saying... man I LOOK GOOD TODAY! and they can't even see their private parts!
Give it a couple weeks and you will be back to normal.
I hope you get out of the funk soon. Sometimes a few weeks of just doing what you feel like (workout-wise) helps to bring things around.
Ha, about the driving - you can totally tell you are in for a long follow when you see tissues, bobble heads, a cat, and an old McDonalds bag in that little back window...
Jeez, I wish you would have read a recent blog post I put up.. anyways, YES it will come back and you will have that snap again. I GUARANTEE it!
"waiting for the spunk to return to my legs"
you have plenty of spunk, kiddo. give it time.
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