Friday, December 31, 2010

Life is perfect

I mean, it's perfect right now.
I haven't had much time to blog. Or even read blogs (work blocks them. gasp!)
But I've been making time for myself. And for training. And for sleep.

And right now...right now it's a little after 8pm on New Year's Eve. And I'm all alone in my new place. There are tunes playing and Clubber is on the floor gnawing on a bone. It's still 60 degrees outside (we got some freak heat wave). All the snow has melted. We can see grass for the first time since November. I got out this morning for a quick run...in shorts! I walked to work. I had teddy grahams and milk for breakfast. I walked to my car after work in a t-shirt. And then I went for a two hour ride with Judi...again, in shorts. And it was then that we witnessed a traffic jam going to a liquor warehouse. And a small black dog on the back of a motorcycle, complete with tank and riding goggles. No joke. I wove through traffic to pet the attention whore pup and chat it up with the driver.

I got a call from a friend after the ride who told me I sounded "euphoric". And i was. That was the most fun I'd had on a bike since September. The wind was howling and I worked, but it wasn't biting cold. And I was riding outside with a friend.

It's the last day of, yet another, tumultuous year...and I have more hope coursing through my veins than I've had in a very, very long time. And I can't say I know to what that's attributable. I've had some very special people help me through this year. And some of those people helped me even when I thought they were hurting me (and yes, Chris A is one of those special people). I had a great early season of races. I travelled with friends. I fell in love. I learned to ride with the race pace group. I left a job with which I was dissatisfied and complacent. I took a very big risk. I followed my heart. I had my heart broken and I cried with more emotion than I knew I had in me. And then I took a stand. I went go-cart racing. I abused my body, in both good and bad ways. I turned 30. I burried my head under the covers. I took home some money from races. I won my first tri. I worked at the bike shop and wore jeans and tanks and flip flops to work everyday!! I discovered that I'd be ok from flirting with some travelling Cervelo demo dude. I leaned on mom, on friends. I moved into my dad's basement. And i learned how it feels to be poor. I made new great friends. I developed a relationship with my step-mom that I didn't know could exist. I earned an even greater appreciation for my body and of what it's capable because the mind will push it through. I re-found myself through lots of talk, lots of alone time, lots of tears, lots of anger and lots of laughs. I attended my first gay wedding. I went on a beer tour. I qualified for ITU Long Course Worlds. I reconnected with old friends (thanks, FB). I learned how very important it is to be open to synchronicity. And I realized how much lighter life feels without a huge load of anger. I found that I have friends and family that believe in me more than I even believe in me. A job fell into my life. And I asked a question and got a place to live. I once again have this feeling that right where I am....is right where I'm supposed to be. And for that very fact, I'm grateful for all that occurred this year.

I can't think of a more perfect place to be to ring in a new year of adventure, seeking, learning, loving, desiring, hoping, discovering, finding....

Cheers to a fabulous 2011!

10 comments:

thekettleblackest said...

You've come a long way in a short time...
Thanks for sharing your journey.

Brett P said...

Happy New Year, Amanda!

Christi said...

You are set to have a great year! Happy New Year!

Colleen said...

You've had a crazy year! Cheers to an amazing 2011! :)

Judi said...

i knew you'd have DC guys over here girl. now that picture is posted on M&M, here and on DC. :0) we shoulda took more.

really good way to end the year, huh? our relationship over the year was rocky, but we ended it on a good note and i hope that goodness continues. thanks again for letting me hang on that wheel, let's do it again soon.

Carolina John said...

I know you had an incredibly tough 2010, and I'm sure you are glad to see it come to an end. But everyone gets a fresh start in 2011.

I am looking forward to getting to know you better this year, and I know you are going to have a better 2011. Cheers to fresh starts!

Carolina John said...

I almost forgot to make fun of you for being so old that you stayed home alone on new years eve!! Are you going to cross the finish line with a walker this year??

And just in case nobody's done it yet..... {{{smooch}}} there's a big new year's kiss.

Stacie said...

We had the same freak heatwave, but it came with lots and lots of rain. It was time to break out the rain gear:o( Now, it's bitter again and I'm digging out the blaclava for riding this afternoon. Thanks for sharing your 2010 journey with us, and here's to a healthy and happy 2011!! Love your blog<3

Mark said...

Euphoric? Must be the beer, man.

Glad you are finding time for sleep! I really could use to get back in the swing of that soon!

zencycle said...

go-carts...that'll get yer yayas out...

It's good to see you in a good place.