8 Seconds

No, I'm not talking about that bull riding movie with Luke Perry. I'm talking about how many seconds over 11 hours it took me to complete IMKY.  That eight seconds is kinda haunting me.

But let's start from the beginning...

Typical race morning: have some coffee, be sure to poo, eat some food, pump tires and check bags in transition. It all happened. Then to the swim line, where my mom, dad, and Marc all found me...as did some teammates, Val, Cathie, Charlie, Pater and Amy (who was also racing). It was great to have such support so early in the game.

I will say that I was most concerned about my swim time not meeting expectations. I told Marc to not panic if I came out at 1:10 because I was expected to go about 1:05. Just before we were sent off, there was a "medical emergency" and we were stalled on the dock for close to 10 mins. And then they let us go!

I jumped in and just swam. I tried to stay long and I just focused on passing as many people as possible. Obviously, with the huge time lag, there was quite a gap between our group and the people ahead. I gat swam over right at the start but other than that, I just thought about my stroke, how my kick can help some and following through, just like at masters practice. I didn't feel particularly great, so I thought for sure I was going to come in around 1:15 again since it's not wetsuit legal. To my shock and awe, I hit the steps, looked at my watch and saw 1:02 something. wtf? I took 13 mins off my swim time. Yikes. Hooray! official Swim time 1:02.59. Holy crap, and thanks Aaron and the boys at masters.

T1 was uneventful except for the fact that I had no volunteer. I just took off my swim suit, grabbed my tri suit and peed the longest biggest pee of the day :) time 5:32

And onto the bike...and that's where the trouble began. Leading into IMKY, I was feeling good on the bike. I borrowed wheels from a buddy and he told me to get new tires, particularly the back one. Well, I picked up a tire and replaced the back one. I rode it down to transition on Saturday with now problem. Out of T1, different story. The tire was rubbing my frame. Every pedal stroke was a struggle. I pulled to the side right out of transition and tried to pull it away from the frame...and got back on...but every stroke, there was one little portion of the tire rubbing and it sounded GOD AWFUL!! Some girl looked at me and said "that's really loud". No kidding?!! I saw Marc and stopped, I was beginning to panic. Some guy tried to tell me to go back and have the mechanics look at it. Another tried to help, but then said something about not helping. So he just talked me through it...pull the wheel away from the frame, lock it down tight. It's not fully in, but it's fine. After about 4 mins (and the 2 I spent prior to that), some tears, a few curse words, I was back on the bike. Marc just yelled that I didn't lose too much time and to just settle in, which is what I knew I had to do.

I felt good after that, a little worried, but just riding. Then came the first climb...and I down shifted and the rubbing started again! DAMMIT. So, I got to the top, pulled to the side, re-adjusted, again, and went on my way. All in all, I think I probably lost close to 10 mins total. But I try to keep in mind that no race is ever going to go perfectly. I just rode. And then I lost my bottle of G2 and my water was out. I was just praying for the next aid station. I had some lonely moments out there for sure. There were times I thought about the training it took to get there and I may have shed a few tears (I'm super sentimental). And there were some dark points. But just as they'd hit, I would see a teammate or Marc or someone yelling my name and I came back to life. In fact, apparently, I smiled.

I won't lie, I was glad to see that 100 mile marker. My hooha was hurting and I wanted to run. I  was a little nauseas and i thought my fingers were swelling so I was trying to take in the gatorade perform. But I'd never tried it in training. Um, MISTAKE #1. Official time 5:46.51

Anyway, into T2. Amazing volunteer. I was a little out of it. But she helped so so much. I just grabbed shot bloks and my shoes, wiped my face on a towel and went out the tent. time: 5:30.

The run. Oh...the run. Eddy had told me not to go out too fast. I feeling awful, but I didn't want anyone to know. I knew they were already concerned about my times. I had talked with Eddy the day before about my goals. I have been running really strong this year and I knew a 3:45 wasn't out of the question. But he wanted me to keep even pacing and go go go if I felt string at mile 21. Let's just say my first mile was 7:38, but I felt like I was crawling. And I walked on the bridge and knew then it was going to be a long day. I couldn't even think about taking in food. My stomach was full and revolting. By the third aid station, I couldn't even walk straight. The volunteers were asking if I was ok. So, I put my sunglasses down so they couldn't see my eyes and went off running. Aid station #4, I hit the port-a-potty for a few mins. Let me just say that on a hot day, when you come out of a port-a-potty, it feels like you're walking into antarctica. OK, anyway...until mile 9, I couldn't take in anything but a swig of coke or some water. Then, finally a gel and I swear, I ressurected from the dead!! I found that taking calories every 3rd aid station would be my plan. Then that plan failed me as I made the roundabout through town and once again felt awful.

Bryan ran with me, asked how I felt, talked me through it. I told him I would come back around. I was nauseous and my back was killing me. Once I concentrated on my form, I was ok. Seeing double digit mile markers was amazing!! Particularly mile 16. Not sure why. But I knew I was on my way home. When I passed mile 18, I heard some lady going the other way say she had less than 5 miles. and I almost cried. At mile 20, I knew I only had a 10k left, so I just figured, the quicker I go, the quicker the pain is over. I had been doing this "run til the aid station and then walk through it" pattern.And I kept that up through the remainder of the race. Those last few miles HURT. With a mile and a half to go, I just went. I think I had fire in my eyes. I knew it was going to be so so so close to break 11 hours. I finished the run in 3:59.16.

Total time: 11:00.08. Eight freaking seconds.

Good enough for 6th in my age group. And there were 4 kona spots, all claimed before roll down.

Oh, well, maybe next time.

Unplugging

It's been a stressful week or so...lots on the plate. So, tonight, despite having a plan of meeting up for a dinner party with some tri friends, i'm unplugging. I have turned off the phone, the TV, music...I picked up a book and I'm catching up on blogs.

I had a pretty successful weekend. Saturday morning was a local 5k. I have not raced a 5k on the road in quite some time. But the owner of Bishop's Bicycles (for whom I ride) wanted us to come out and represent in Milford. I pre-registered. And let me tell you, had I not, I'm pretty sure I would've slept in. After a night of hoppy brews and chicken nachos, I awoke to pouring rain!

Luckily, it let up just before the race and led to nearly perfect conditions, except for some screaming humidity. I lined up after a couple mile warm-up with some svelte girls who looked a little serious and at the sound of the gun, I took off. I kept it under control and clicked away the first mile in 6:16. That's when the girl I was running with dropped back. I knew my second mile was slower (6:30) and I tried to pick it up again the last mile, but it was much like doing track work alone...there was no one around. Last mile was 6:26. Total time of 19:49 and good enough for the win.

This race was to benefit St Vincent dePaul, so there were all kinds of goodies being raffled away at the end. I took home my trophy, 4 vouchers for free DQ cones AND I won a $50 gift card to Applebee's. Not a bad return on a $15 race entry.

I had a long run on the schedule for that day, so when I got home and walked the dogs, I went back out for another 10 miles. 7:40 pace. Legs were feeling good, but it was sweltering by noon...

Sunday morning was Ride Cincinnati!! It's a ride to raise money for breast cancer research. Amazingly, they raised over $1million. Quite a few from our team were out there and we all stayed together until the turn around at mile 31 and then we kinda split up on the way back into town. I got to catch up with friends and gain some new ones...and I got in 62 miles before 10am. Not a bad way to start the day. (i;m the short one in the middle acting goofy. go figure)

Today was back to work...and work is getting a little crazy. Nearing end of quarter. And I've been battling some things, mentally, with training and family and relationships. And I've had my fair share of run-ins with being ill already this season, so I'm taking care of me, trying to reduce the stress level that makes me feel on pins and needles with a million little obligations or hurtful words or critical remarks. Because I want to be well and I want to do well. I have goals for the season and if I allow others' wants and needs come before mine, I'm losing sight. And sometimes, maybe I do that as a means of distraction from accomplishment?

"Each time I follow my deepest desires, fear is there wringing her hands, cautioning me with her litanies of what-ifs. I do not try to counter with reasonable arguments about acceptable risks. I no longer try to shame myself into action with admonishments to stop being the wimp, nor do i pretend to be unafraid. I simply move in the direction I have chosen to go, taking care to do the things I know will help me keep the fear at a level that allows me to continue to feel it and yet still keep moving. I put myself to bed early, eat well, sit with friends, take long walks by the lake. I have learned that doing things the hardest way provides no currency to be traded for greater future rewards."  - Oriah

TTT strikes again!

American Triple T Ohio was just a week and a half ago and already, it feels like it was forever ago. So, this race report is a bit belated, as are all posts and blog reading done by me right now.

If you don't know the format of this race weekend, it's 4 races in three days. Simply put (as stated on the back of the mandatorily worn jerseys) 4 triathlons, 3 days, 140+ miles, 1 epic event. Or something like that... Basically, you have an Ironman split up into four races.

It begins on Friday evening at 5 with a super sprint. 250m swim, 5 mile bike, mile run. All I really remember was that the water was cold and my heart rate was jacked, but I was tryin to keep it easy because I knew what lie ahead from last year. Finished in a seemingly slow 26:11. After the race, we took a quick dip in the hillbilly ice bath (aka- the creek) and went to get some grub at the lodge.

There were seven of us staying in a cabin about a mile from the start line. Good people, but a packed place, to say the least. Didn't get much sleep and woke up starving after a shit salad dinner.

Race #2 is on Saturday morning at 7:30am...an Olympic distance tri. The bike course is a little technical and SUPER hilly. Again, I tried to keep my cool and just ride and run relaxed. There is a crazy downhill on one section that is super steep and gravely, so I probably lost some time there, but it didn't matter too much. Got out to the run course. Man, I had forgotten how bad those hills are on that trail! But ran calm and collected. Finished in 2:35.

And back to the cabin for some grub and a quick nap. And a butt rub :)

Race #3 is also an Olympic distance and on Saturday afternoon at 3. BUT the order is changed up slightly to increase the challenge. Bike, swim run. And the bike course is different than the morning course. Still just as challenging, though not so technical. Straight up, down, some flat, turn around, flat, up, down into T1. Not so bad. until you try to get a wetsuit on when you're all sweaty! Oh, and did I mention that the weather in OH broke just in time for this weekend. It was about 85 degrees that afternoon. Swim actually felt really good. I just relaxed and got into a groove and cooled off so the run wouldn't feel so dang hot. Out of the water, wetsuit stripped, shoes on and out for the run. Which hurt a lot more the second time that day than the first. But it was over before I knew it. Finished in 2:40.

Again, back to the cabin for a quick clean up, a beer and to the lodge for food. I opted for a burger and sweet potato fries. I was hungry and wanted meat. Don't judge me.

Race #4 is a half ironman at 7 am on Sunday. Swim...well, the whole first loop, I could feel my shoulders. They finally warmed up and I had a pretty much even split for each loop. And then to the bike. YIKES. legs were kinda achy by this point. And that first loop felt pretty brutal. There was a left hand turn after a huge uphill and I underestimated the hair-pinness of it, skidded a tad, recovered and was shaky the rest of the way down. I got passed quite a bit there, but my sunglasses were fogging up and I just wasn't willing to risk crashing. It was getting pretty hot by this point. I was feeling a little weak, decided to empty my bottles, hit the turn around, refilled and set out for loop number two on the bike. And that's when I began to know I was going to make it. I focused on taking in calories, fluids, and just noted all the places I'd already hit. And before I knew it, the big climbs were over and we were headed into T2! Off teh bike, onto the hot hot trail run...

And that's where the fun began. I let my gut hang out, ran as much as I could, cheered everyone coming the opposite direction. The course is out and back. Twice. And it's uphill, downhill, turn, back uphill, downhill. On the back side uphill, I started walking...just as a couple teammates were running downhill saying "Amanda! you're not supposed to be walking!" Ugh. Then, as I was running downhill, I passed another couple team members, one of whom was about to run in front of me or something...and all i could say was "pleeeaaase don't fuck with me!". Back around to the finsh area, where you turn and head out for another loop. Ok. One more loop. Just two more hills. I passed a bunch of people here, kept cheering for others, kept trucking. Passed a couple more teammates, apologized for being rude but EVERY INCH of my body was hurting. Finally, I hit the final downhill and knew I was golden. All I could think about was lying in that cold ass creek. Finally finished in 5:52.

I took 3rd in the solo female senior division. Awesome race. I still love it. As much as it hurts. And I'm sure I'll go back again next year.

The Good Life

Yes, I have it; The good life.

Despite a little setback with my kidneys, which appears to be fine now, training appears to be going really well. I mean, I''ve taken my secret weapon out for 5am mile repeats on the track and came in at 6:12, 6:12, 6:12 and 6:14. And I've had some great long and hard rides. Judi and I did some good mileage despite getting caught in a dowpour the weekend before last.

Yesterday was, yet another, rainy day in Cincy. And also the day of the Flying PIg Marathon and Half Marathon. I partook in the latter. I had a goal in mind, but I was very afraid of this goal. Last year, I ran 1:33.40 and it was my first half mary. This was my second, but I'm running much better this year, so I wanted to go 1:30. It's a hilly course. And I had a good plan in place. 

But, as we all know, things don't always go according to plan. I started out with the 1:30 half/3:00 full pace group. And for the first 5 miles, things felt easy. And then, I got off track, mentally. I started thinking about how much it might hurt later, I got away from how I was feeling at the moment. I got a cup of water and the pace group gapped away. I totally panicked. I knew the big hill was coming and I knew i didn't want to surge, so I stayed back, freaked out. Marc was with me, and told me to just break the hill into sections. I did. My pace dropped as I watched my Garmin pace sink further than i liked. I gave a kid a high five on the way up the hill. I got to the top, no longer able to even see the pace group. At the top of the hill, I totally broke. My 1:30 was out the window. I knew it. Despite Marc's encouraging words and telling me we were going to "reel some bitches in", I stopped in the middle of the road, shouted "i can't do this. it's too much pressure". It was right before the full/half split. the girl right in front of me yelled back at me "Just run. I'm doing the whole thing". So I did.

I picked myself up, and started running.

Marc turned off to meet me later (he's doing Cleveland in two weeks, so he just had to be out there for support for his runners). The next couple miles, I just tried to regain my composure. I saw some friends cheering and then my dad (who took this pic - eerily similar to last year with the dark rain). I passed through mile 9 at a 1:33 pace and then mile 10 at a 1:34 pace. WTF? I got pissed. And then I just decided to enjoy myself if I was going to be slow. I thanked all the officers blocking traffic, I smiled at the crowd and just got in a better place.

Marc rejoined me and we went downhill. I focused on keeping my legs beneath me and just churned along, refusing to look at my splits, but feeling the vibration and beep with each mile that ticked by. Marc told me I was "smoking it", but I didn't know whether to believe it since he'd been telling me I was doing good all along. Once back into downtown, we had an out and back and i saw the pace group...not too far ahead, maybe a couple mins?

Before he turned off again, with just a few tenths of a mile left, Marc told me I was running 6:20s. WHHAAAAT? Really? I kicked it in as hard as I could and finished 13th in 1:31.31.

I have a lot to take away from this race. It was a PR, which I should be thrilled about...but I let my head get the best of me for a bit. The good news, I was able to regain my composure and get my head back in the game. So, I basically need to figure out how to not reach that breaking point.

I've talked to quite a few people about it today. My coach suggested I shout at those negative thoughts when they creep in. And my training buddy from IM#1 reminded me of just how grateful i should be to be able to do these things. A coworker just thought the whole things was amazing. And Marc let me know he's been there before.

We have good days and bad, but in the end, a good life is what it's all about. And even if every day isn't a good day, this is a good life.

Forgive me...

Ya know, if I seem more out of it than normal. It was a big weekend. And I'm exhausted. I may have blacked out while sitting at my desk today...

Saturday was the Frosty 14 mile trail race. I was really nervous because I haven't run a trail since tecumseh Trail marathon in early December...and my runs haven't been overly long. And I was coming off the second of three hard training weeks. I went out and just decided to stay on the heels of the girl who won Tecumseh. There was a whole line of folks behind us. I stayed with her until about the six mile mark, when I got impatient and went for a pass on an uphill. And I ran scared for the next eight miles. One other guy and i were going back and forth for a bit...and wouldn't ya know, dude outsprinted me in the last 5 meters. I couldn't hear him coming (or my heavy breathing the whole race) because I had some Kanye blasting in my ears.

I ended up 2nd female. And I was really happy with it. It was sooo muddy! It had rained the week leading up to and the course was out and back, so it was slippy, slidey, grab some trees to get up hills kinda running.

And then I went to work at the shop for a few hours.

And Sunday was a nice long ride in preparation for HOS, the crazy 200 miler next month. I set out from home and got in almost 20 miles before meeting up with the Bishops crew for a about 52 miles...and lots of climbs. I'm racing for these guys this year, so it was nice to get out and ride with them. Then, Ack and I went out and did another 20 something miles...before we got dumped on with some big ass rain drops.

Luckily, he has a very awesome wife who came and picked our wet asses up. And I got home, only to devour some food and get some sleep.

More storms ensued in the night and I was awoken by tornado sirens at 5am...

So, yes, I'm tired. And I'm taking the evening off because there are 21 hours on the schedule this week. And I can't wait!

Broccoli for breakfast

Whoa! What a week! Last Saturday was a six hour ROGAINE with my buddy. For those of you who don't know what this is...it's an orienteering race. Basically, you get a topography map at 1/24,000 to scale, plotted with checkpoints that you must hit to gain points. The faster you make the course and the more checkpoints you hit (or the more you hit with higher points, the higher the points, the more difficult they are to get to) the better off you are. Some trails are marked, some roads are marked, but not all are. And many times, you have to bushwhack.

We had fun! It was wet and cold and we got rain, ice, sleet AND snow throughout the day.

Unfortunately, all that fun bushwhacking through briar patches left me with some not so pretty legs...

Guess it's a good thing that it's winter and mighty cold in these parts so they weren't on for show!

It also just so happened that I had a scheduled recovery week... that means only 11 training hours scheduled! And I needed that because it was also a week of Super Bowl parties, corporate sales meetings and a need a to take some time off the legs after 3 full weeks of pretty intense training.

But....just my luck, my legs were aching the couple days post race (my buddy is a sub-3 hour Pig marathoner, so we were SPRINTINg those last few miles)...and we had a major kick set at swim practice on Tuesday morning. I suck at kicking and I kinda hate it already, so 1k of kicking is brutal, even without the pain setting in. The first few times through the set, I took it easy. Then I realized it was kinda loosening me up (I am ALL endurance, so this shouldn't strike me as odd, but it always does) so for the last couple, I was right there. I just put my head down, kicked and got on.

The next few days are somewhat of a blur. I did train every day. But I also had two work dinners, Wednesday and Thursday evenings. And the start of dinner was close to my typical bedtime on Thursday, so I was out til midnight. Ugh!

After a cleanse, things like NY strip, beer, red wine, creamed spinach, cheesecake, well, let's just say they feel like poison to the body. Friday wasn't the best day I've had. But the good thing about having days where you binge on things you don't typically do, you regain some focus. And you re-ignite a fire for those things that are healthy. And you want to get fitter and faster. Not fatter.

So today, it was an early run, followed by broccoli for breakfast (see! I'm finally tying it in:)) And then oatmeal for lunch (instead of pizza that they ordered at the shop).  Backward? Maybe. But veggies tend to fill me up with the fiber, so I kinda like them in the morn!

And even though I'm working 6 days a week. And I feel INCREDIBLY guilty for leaving Clubby lots of times, I did find that the bike shop work was very gratifying today. I love the people I work with there. And I met lots of new people. Conversed with old friends. And people I didn't even know had an interest told me they're fans of the blog.

So, thanks for reading.

And, damn...it's still like 40 degrees outside. Time for an awesome four hour ride tomorrow!!

Dear PMS,

There are things I enjoy much more than you. I will not allow you to interfere with my race today, as much as you may try to take from my experience of running through the woods. I will do my best to not allow you to interfere with my judgment and get all pissy with my teammate when he gets lost. And I will not succumb to your your whining, driveling ways. My pain tolerance will not be lessened. After that six hours of racing, I will let you win and I will give my body a nice long sleep and not wake it for the purpose of training in the morning.

Many thanks,
Amanda

Life is perfect

I mean, it's perfect right now.
I haven't had much time to blog. Or even read blogs (work blocks them. gasp!)
But I've been making time for myself. And for training. And for sleep.

And right now...right now it's a little after 8pm on New Year's Eve. And I'm all alone in my new place. There are tunes playing and Clubber is on the floor gnawing on a bone. It's still 60 degrees outside (we got some freak heat wave). All the snow has melted. We can see grass for the first time since November. I got out this morning for a quick run...in shorts! I walked to work. I had teddy grahams and milk for breakfast. I walked to my car after work in a t-shirt. And then I went for a two hour ride with Judi...again, in shorts. And it was then that we witnessed a traffic jam going to a liquor warehouse. And a small black dog on the back of a motorcycle, complete with tank and riding goggles. No joke. I wove through traffic to pet the attention whore pup and chat it up with the driver.

I got a call from a friend after the ride who told me I sounded "euphoric". And i was. That was the most fun I'd had on a bike since September. The wind was howling and I worked, but it wasn't biting cold. And I was riding outside with a friend.

It's the last day of, yet another, tumultuous year...and I have more hope coursing through my veins than I've had in a very, very long time. And I can't say I know to what that's attributable. I've had some very special people help me through this year. And some of those people helped me even when I thought they were hurting me (and yes, Chris A is one of those special people). I had a great early season of races. I travelled with friends. I fell in love. I learned to ride with the race pace group. I left a job with which I was dissatisfied and complacent. I took a very big risk. I followed my heart. I had my heart broken and I cried with more emotion than I knew I had in me. And then I took a stand. I went go-cart racing. I abused my body, in both good and bad ways. I turned 30. I burried my head under the covers. I took home some money from races. I won my first tri. I worked at the bike shop and wore jeans and tanks and flip flops to work everyday!! I discovered that I'd be ok from flirting with some travelling Cervelo demo dude. I leaned on mom, on friends. I moved into my dad's basement. And i learned how it feels to be poor. I made new great friends. I developed a relationship with my step-mom that I didn't know could exist. I earned an even greater appreciation for my body and of what it's capable because the mind will push it through. I re-found myself through lots of talk, lots of alone time, lots of tears, lots of anger and lots of laughs. I attended my first gay wedding. I went on a beer tour. I qualified for ITU Long Course Worlds. I reconnected with old friends (thanks, FB). I learned how very important it is to be open to synchronicity. And I realized how much lighter life feels without a huge load of anger. I found that I have friends and family that believe in me more than I even believe in me. A job fell into my life. And I asked a question and got a place to live. I once again have this feeling that right where I am....is right where I'm supposed to be. And for that very fact, I'm grateful for all that occurred this year.

I can't think of a more perfect place to be to ring in a new year of adventure, seeking, learning, loving, desiring, hoping, discovering, finding....

Cheers to a fabulous 2011!

Challenges

"Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes it meaningful."

It's been a strange few days. It's been a very, very good few days. I've been sick and I've just been allowing life to happen to me and I'm amazed by what I have come to learn in that period.

You see, I went into that trail marathon without having done one, so I didn't know what to expect. I figured it would be slow. I knew I would fall down. But I didn't know if I'd actually get through the race without tears and fear and frustration. But I smiled damn near every mile of that race.

And for the first time in a very long time, I feel powerful.

Seriously.

I know it may sound silly, but I feel like I overcame an obstacle that I didn't know I could climb over. But I did.

And today, I got a call from that place where I interviewed for four hours...and they gave me an offer. And I start on the 20th! Again, another obstacle I was afraid I wouldn't overcome. I was so fearful that my stint of unemployment would keep me from getting a real life job again.

And.....

I signed up for IM Louisville today. That's something I'll still have to overcome, but I finally feel free to be me, with no apologies, again.

Whew!

Also this week:
I had brunch with mom and talked about everything from fashion to relationships to business.
I stopped by an old friends house and caught up.
I skipped swim practice to rest for a race.
I travelled with a friend I hadn't seen in months. And we laughed.
I chatted on the phone with someone who knows me better than anyone.

And I appreciate these people more now than I ever did when they were in my life every day. Thank you and I love you all.

i've got it good

in the spirit of thanksgiving, i've been thinking all week about how good i've got it. i mean, i have a great family. my dad has taken me in. and he and my step mom have been nothing but welcoming and loving and supportive during this part of my life. and my mom has been helping me keep my head up. and my friends and training partners have been lifesavers.

i've got my health. and my body allows me to do things that my mind doesn't always believe possible.

thanksgiving morning started with an hour and a half swim practice. the comeraderie of a group of adults that get up to be in the pool by 5:30am on a holiday is pretty unreal. and a coach that is dedicated enough to get up to give us a workout is nearly unheardof.

and from there, a group of us went downtown to join 10,000 others for 101st running of the Thanksgiving Day 10k. the weather was predicted to be cold and rainy. and it was rainy. and very wet. but it ended up being about 57 degrees when i pulled up at 8:15.

i didn't have any real goals going into this race since i don't really know my fitness and i had just swam about 4k. but the previous night, i was lying in bed and i had this spark ignite in me that was just ready to take on the racing and the big workout. and to just have fun with it.

and i ended up running a 42:10, which i was really happy about. and i had fun. and i think nearly all the men i train with beat me. but not by a ton.

and from there, i joined about 100 others to socialize at a local spot before heading home for a hot shower and taking a friend to my mom's for turkey and crazy games of scrabble. it was 5pm before i realized i hadn't eaten since 7:30am. so it was a good thing there was a plethora of food. mom made an amazing meal. and there were lots of laughs. i went to bed last night feeling really fortunate. i need to tap into this more often.

The proof is in the pudding!

The first picture is me, beginning of season, on top of the world, running in the rain, on a hilly course, looking and feeling strong, running down chicks half my size.

the second picture is still me...but, end of season, feeling like in the depths of hell, in the heat , on a completely flat course, looking and feeling in pain, stopping and pleading with God to simply finish.

This, my friends, is the difference in mentality between: 1) i can do anything i want. i can go fast. i am fast. no matter what is going on, who my competition may be or what may pose as an obstacle...and 2) i am not really sure of what i can do. I don't even know if i can finish. Damn. i hope i can finish. i wish it weren't so damn hot. i melt in the heat.

both pictures were of runs in the same distance, half marathon, just different times in life. And i think it's pretty apparent which is better, faster.

Whew!

Ok, so let's get down to business...I made Team USA, but it wasn't pretty. As far as racing goes, I had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. So, I will be going to vegas for 2011 LC World Championships, but I don't entirely feel I deserved it. And now, for the details...

I felt good going into the race, but i have to tell you, I NEVER feel good going into a race, so I was a tad concerned. And there was also all this pressure I was putting on myself. I was so anxious about this race. But race morning was running smoothly until...(dun dun dun!) they announced that the 22 inches of rain that had dumped itself on the area over the previous four days had increased the levels of E Coli in teh water such that it was unsafe in which to swim, so we would NOT be swimming.

Instead, we would be lining up on the dock, as if we were exiting the water, one by one, going off every three seconds, in no particular order. Um...hello, mind f*ck. When one is prepared for a TRIathlon, it is difficult to adjust to a brick workout. Some (those not so skilled in the water) were relieved while others were disappointed. I was in the latter pack of folks. I am not super speedy in the water, but I can hold my own. And it always serves as a good warm-up, so panic struck a little. And then we got no warm-up. Just standing in the cold on the dock in a huge pack of people, all waiting...while our bladders were beginning to scream and there was no place to relieve the pressure.

I was lined up with, Carrie, a friend that was at Worlds in Australia and we made a little strategy to push one another through the bike and run. I got to the point where it was my turn, and the guy told me to go, so I ran, sock-footed to T1, put on the helmet, shoes and grabbed my bike to head for the course.

I felt pretty good on the bike. It was super windy. Against the wind, hammering, I probably averaged 18 or 19 with speeds dipping into the 16s and with the wind, just cruising, speeds were in the 23-25 range, sometimes reaching into the 29s. It was a two loop course and I decided to just take it easy, but strong on the first and try to put some force into the second, once I knew what I was up against. I came in the first loop around 1:19 and into T2 at 2:36, so I negative splitted by a couple minutes and avaeraged 21.5mph for the 56 miles. Carrie and I entered T2 together. I quickly racked my bike, ditched my arm warmers, grabbed my race belt and ran out of T2.

Right away, I knew I wasn't going to keep up with Carrie. I told her to go and I'd get my legs under me.I felt ok for the first couple miles. I kept expecting my legs to come around. And then I got worried that they may not. I just took it easy and felt controlled. By mile 4, when I still felt like I was just trudging along, i began to panic. And it was hot by then. The sun was beating down and there wasn't much shade on the totally flat course. And I began to allow myself to stop at the aid stations. I took a couple shots blocks and then ended up losing them. And that's when shit really hit the fan. I stopped and stretched. I tried to cheer for people I knew. I cheered for some leading women. I had no idea where I stood among the competition since there was NO method to the madness of the start. I could only tell those who looked strong. And my head really started to get the best of me.

At some point, after the first loop of the two loop course, I literally stopped, stretched a little and....bring on meltdown numero uno. I thought for sure Team USA was out of my grasp. I knew my pace was down to a crawl. And the negative thoughts would not go away! I walked a little. And then I'd make myslef a deal, "just get to the next aid station and then you can stop for a gel" but then I started to get a little dizzy and hot and tired. I took off my compression socks because my feet were killing me and i couldn't seem to cool down.

With about four miles to go, I came across one of my 2009 team USA teammates and we traded encouraging words...she'd gotten sick on the bike, i'd just started falling apart on the run. And then with less than a 5k to go, I stopped again, paralyzed by doubt, pain, fear...and she said "come on, girl. i'm sure there's some water up ahead." and so i stood up and I started running again. And I didn't stop until that finish line. My run was a 1:49, 8:20 pace, my slowest ever. And it was demoralizing.

I found out later I placed 15th in my age group and top 20 qualify for Worlds.

I can't tell you the amount of relief I now feel that the season is over and there's no more pressure to perform. It's been a long season and a tough year. And I have lots of new adventures to look forward. I have other friends that also qualified. And I have a whole fall and winter to go run some trails and go for casual rides. And I'm quite looking forward to it.

Struggling

So, while there are moments when I have the "i haven't screwed up, i've just learned" attitude, there are also times when i have the "if life ain't beautiful without the pain, well, i'd rather never ever see beauty again" kinda attitude.

And, admittedly, I've felt the latter on more than one occasion this last week. I absolutely hate saying this. or typing it, but...

(gasp!) I've lost my love for the bike.

I miss the feeling of weightless speed and climbing hills with ease. and feeling as though I could ride for hours on hours. And I really, really miss having fun riding. I miss laughing so hard I didn't think about the pain in my legs or my lungs. All my buddies are through with their tri seasons. And I have a little over a week remaining until HalfMax. I hate to say this too, but I'm looking forward to being through with structured training for a bit.

I have been getting back on the trainer for some focused rides, particularly since the light is dwindling quickly with the coming of fall. But even then, I'm just getting the workout in and sweating. So I can, hopefully, pull off one good last race.

The real struggle isn't so much the training. It's the pressure that I put on myself to perform. It's becoming a bit much. The fear of failure. The fear that I won't be as good as I know I'm capable. It's giving me major anxiety. I'm worried that my life issues of the summer have interfered with my training and mentality and that I've allowed something to keep me from living up to my potential. And now it's too late to hunker down and get any more fit. Long hard workouts will do nothing to help me now. And will only hurt. So, I think the real challenge of this next race is completely mental. I have to learn to believe. And trust. I've put in the work. Now, I just have to not allow the recent self-esteem beating to interfere with racing.

Sunflower Rev, Night Running, the last tri of the season and other stuff

  - The weather for the Sunflower Revolution 100k was pretty damn perfect. I lost the lead pack fairly early on, but ended up working with a group of guys. We picked up a couple and dropped a couple throughout the course.  I ended up second female overall and finished in 2:41.great race. great course. Amazing food afterward.

 - My teammates totally rocked it out at Rev 3 in Sandusky, taking top male and female ametuer and nearly everyone finishing under 11 hours. Crazy fast people!!

 - There is something about the stillness. The darkness. It makes the miles and hours pass by in a flash. And the hills pass easily underfoot. It's silent except for the trees rustling in the wind and the sound of my footfalls. There is nothing to distract me from focusing on my form save the other thoughts scratching at my skull. Businesses are closed and the stars are just a little bit brighter. I breathe easier. And I feel like I have all the time in the world. This is night running. And I think I'm addicted.

 - There's one last race for me for the season. i think. I have Halfmax, to qualify for Long Course Worlds in 2011. And I'm kinda ready for the tri season to be over. Just a couple more weeks. But there is always the possibility of the Great Floridian full tri. I'm torn as to whether to go for it.

 - And that's because I want to do an ultra. And I'm committed to a 24 hour ROGAINE in November.

Ahhh....fall!

After a very hot and humid summer in Cincinnati, the weather has finally broken. And we have some relief!

It's amazing!

I mean, it suddenly feels easy to breath on a long run. Shoes don't weigh an extra 3 pounds after a few miles. In fact, morning rides actually require arm warmers. OK, maybe they aren't required, but it's definitely more comfortable with them.

I'm loving it. Hopefully it holds for the 100k Sunflower revolution ride in the morn...and more importantly, for all my teammates racing Rev 3 tomorrow. So many of these guys have been an incredible part of my training and life throughout the last year.  Also a shout out to Holly racing Worlds in Budapest and Scott, my uber super Triple T partner, doing IMWI.

Gettin' back my mojo

I'm not really sure what happened, but this last week was huge for me. Other than getting pulled over and searched, I really had a great time. I ran a lot. I talked with people in the shop. I got some time with friends and family. And I had a couple good workouts.

I decided early in the week, since one of the perks of working at the shop is that it's free, that I would race the mini tri (1k swim, 40k bike, 10k run) at Great Buckeye on Sunday. My confidence has been lacking. And I was feeling out of shape, so I figured this could just act as a test.

And lo and behold, somehow, I pulled out my first overall win!!!

I think it's just because none of my uber fast teammates were racing. We had perfect weather and I led start to finish. And my dad came out to witness. It was fun.

And most of all, it was just another affirmation that I'm going to be ok. In fact, I went out for a ride with a guy, whom I haven't known very long, on Friday and he was surprised at how much I was smiling and laughing. He just doesn't know that's how I typically am. How sad is that??

I'm getting back to me. And it feels good.

The details

Musselman is more than just a race. it's an entire weekend of activity. There's a sprint on Saturday, along with a kite festival, 12 hours of visual arts, a pre-race meeting, pre-race dinner, pancake breakfast, etc...


And it's GORGEOUS up there. Actually, when Ack and I were riding around on Saturday, he said "I'm not going to tell anyone about this race!!" for fear of it being infiltrated and/or selling out even earlier. And then he got stung by a bee. Damn karma!

Ok, on to race morning...I got up early to make sure I could get my potty in. No problem. But I didn't really have an appetite, which is UBER unusual for me. go figure. I stole Ack's car and went to get some coffee (he still doesn't know about this. hehehe). We went down to the race site early and set up everything in transition. I ran into some peeps from TTT and Team USA and before I knew it, I needed to get a warm-up in and my wetsuit on. It was all a blur from there.

After the Canadian Anthem and the Star Spangled Banner, we got corralled for the swim start. I was in the third wave at 7:06. Some of those pink cap girls were just anxious!!! All getting up in front of the start buoys and all. But, anyway, I know I don't have sprint muscles, so I figured I'd just make my way through them after the first 500. The swim was fairly uneventful except for the fact that there were plenty of men in the two waves ahead that didn't know how to swim. More than five times, I was dodging breast stroke kicks. I kept trying to look for pink caps ahead and there weren't too many. I came out of the water and glanced at my watch once in T1 to see 31 something and was a little disappointed. It was a fast swim last year, but I was also swimming more last year. Total swim time 31:37.

T2, I saw Ack leaving as I was racking my bike (I was positioned right next to the exit) and yelled for him. I saw this chick that was obviously a viable threat. And she was a little ahead of me. I couldn't get my helmet to fit my head. WTF? Finally slammed it on, and went on my way, but it was a slow T2...2:31.

I felt good from the get-go on the bike, ya know, except the throbbing headache from my too tight aero helmet. I was passing people left and right. I think maybe 5 men passed me and stayed ahead through the whole 56 miles. I took in water to start. And man, I was thirsty!!! I wanted an ice cold coke about half way through, and took a few swigs of my gatorade instead. I was trying to remember to take in calories, but I was feeling great, and again, not hungry, so I just kept going. It was obvious when a headwind or tailwind hit. Speeds varied from 17 to 28 on the flats depending on the wind.

About 20 miles in, I reached back to the strap in my helmet and gave it another hard tug and felt the sweet relief of lessened pressure on my skull! I ended up only taking in about 500 calories (liquid and solid combined), which, in retrospect was not enough for me. I was sweating immensely. I felt great throughout and ended up just 3 secs off the fastest bike split, which is huge for me. I guess I caught quite a few women on the bike. Time: 2:40.40 for a 21.0 mph avg.

T2 was ok. I was HOT! but I moved fairly quickly, or so I thought. And moved on to what I thought would be a great end to a good race start. I had about 1:43 to accomplish my sub-5 hour goal.

I started out running and feeling ok, thinking my run legs would come after a mile or two, per usual... Some guy struck up a conversation. He was from Ithaca, couldn't understand why I'd travel for a race. Apparently, people who live up there take for granted that they have so much beauty around, somewhat unlike Cincy/Dayton. Anyway, he was running awfully close to me, asked me my pace. I told him I hadd no clue, maybe 7:30? He informed me it was 7:15 and that it was too fast for him. And then he elbowed me for the third time and apologized. I told him he needed to back off (in my not-so-subtle sassy tone).

 I was informed I was the second female by lots of spectators. I ran up to this other guy that I was playing tag with on the bike, I saw Ack climbing a hill in front of me at about mile 2.5-3...and as I was climbing that hill, I looked back and saw that viable threat chick TRUCKING it about a quarter mile behind me. Oh dear God! I hit the flats and she came up on me. I said some encouraging words and she said some back...and I told her that there was only one girl ahead, told her to go get her. Several surrounding men told me to go after her...but I knew I didn't have it in me at that point. And then the chills struck. I was trying to take in water and squeeze sponges over my head, but I was feeling horrible!! I took a gel. I dumped ice down my top. Nada.

I saw Ack and screamed for him, he yelled back "you're catching me already?" Sheesh! I thought it was taking forever to catch him! And then it took even longer to actually catch him. And then another girl passed me. Ugh. So, I was thinking "great. I just went from 2nd to 4th...and I have no chance of catching those girls". I was so defeated. One foot in front of another. Top 5. Just get top 5...

Around mile 8, another skinny little runner chick passed me, flying. I was in sooo much pain. My hammies, my back, my feet, calves. I just wanted to walk. I had never felt so bad on the run in a race. I was fighting some demons in my head. And I had that all-too-familiar wince of "why can't something just be easy for once" that I've been allowing myself to feel far too much lately. I took in some endurolytes. A little coke, 2 shot blocks. It was too late. I hung on for dear life. I was just running scared at that point. As I crossed the finish line, I saw 5:00.24... 25 flipping seconds off the sub 5 hour goal . Grr. But I did crack top 5. run time: 1:43.39, 7:55 pace.

Turns out two of those girls ahead of me were in a prior wave so I finished third female. I took home some cash and a bottle of wine. I learned a great lesson. Um....eat, even when not hungry. Don't rely upon a supposed "strength". My run is typically fun and strong. Not so much here. But it was a new PR. So Ack and I went out and celebrated with a burrito and beer.

oh, Musseman, how I love thee...

And not just because you give me PRs. Or because you're in the beautiful Finger Lakes region. Or even because you've got the BEST swag of any race...

It's because you always let me know I have so much yet to learn.

Last year, I went into this race with very little expectation. And I came out having learned I'm capable of so much more than I imagined. And that I can defy predetermined expectations or beliefs. And this year, I learned about having a "bad" (feeling) race. And still coming out with good results. And realizing the importance of not relying on supposed strengths...

I just back to Cincy a few hours ago and I'm exhausted. And I REALLY want to go to Masters practice before heading to IL to see my precious Clubby in the morn, so I'll just leave you with some highlights. A full race report and pictures will follow:

 - I missed my goal of breaking 5 hours by 25 seconds...with a 5:00.24
 - BUT I accomplished my goal of cracking top 5 with a 3rd place overall finish. And I scored some cash and a bottle of chardonnay.
 - There are some fast runner chicks out there. I am not one of them.
 - Nutrition is oh-so-important during a race.
 - I have the MOST AMAZING friends and family!!
 - I met some blogger buddies.
 - And ran into Team USA peeps.
 - And reconnected with some guys from TTT.
 - Ack is an awesome travel partner; he always carries a camera. And he isn't afraid to drink beer.

Deer Creek Oly - tornados, lightning, setting PRs and chicking the men

The Deer Creek Olympic Triathlon isn't one that was on my race schedule...until, like, last Tuesday. I kinda just felt like racing it. This means, there was no taper. There was very little preparation. And I was just out looking to have a good time. per usual.

Pre-race:
I awoke at 4am and was out the door by 5:15 for the (nearly) two hour drive. As the sun rose, I noticed the trees were whipping about. I also noted that there was a comment on my FB status that there was a tornado watch in Mt. Sterling. Beautiful!
I got to the beach and the waiting began... I waited in line for my race packet. I waited in line for the bathroom. I waited to set up in transition. And then I (along with everyone else) waited for the storms to subside and the race to begin. There was some crazy lightning that was striking out on the lake. It was gorgeous. But it also made me kinda want a duathlon. As the heavens were dumping copious amounts of water and I was chattin' up race stuff and tri gear with a teammate, I look to my right and hear "Ms Lindsey?"...it was Big Daddy Diesel!!! We chatted for a bit and suddenly, the sun was making an appearance and everyone scattered the pavilion. I made one last trip to transition and pulled on the wetsuit. which, i will note, is much more difficult to do when feet are wet.

The 1500m Swim:
We ladies are always given the last wave start. It sucks because there are actually some decent female swimmers. And some not so decent male swimmers. But I digress....So, we finally got started about an hour after supposed start. Out to the forst turn, no major issues. Upon making that turn...CHOP! I didn't mind it, but I was a little taken by surprise the first couple strokes. Swim, turn, swim....straight into the sun. I lost sighting and went off course a bit. Back on and a fairly uneventful second lap swimming over previous waves. Time: 23:45

T1:
Run up the muddy hill to transition...to empty foot bath buckets. The sprint tri waves had all gone off before the Oly and I guess they decided to NOT refill them? Anyway, run, find bike, strip wetsuit, don shoes, helmet, go get other sunglasses from bag...ugh. that took forever. time: 2:08

The 40k Bike:
Windy? Windy. Windy! The first 15-20 mins were just spent getting into the groove. I was cruising at 21-23mph. I took in water. Then the crosswinds hit. I decided to take in a gel....just a girl in a black skin suit riding a P3 with Zipp wheels and an aero helmet passed me. Dammit! The goal then became to just not let her out of sight. As I was climbing the first hill at the end of loop one, a CincyExpress teammate passed me with some trash talk stating that Barry might get chicked by me, but he wouldn't. When I caught him on the next little climb, I told him he better hurry up then. And he took off.
The second loop was much the same as the first. I took in another gel, drank some gatorade. At the top of that first climb is a flat that is straight into a headwind and I saw my speed drop to 11.4mph. A huge highlight of the tailwind though was seeing my speed over 30mph! The second time I was going in for those hills, I picked up a guy. He was sucking my wheel and I was getting irritated. I'd seen quite a bit of drafting out on the course. And I almost opened my trap a couple times, but really, they're the ones that have to live with cheating. So, I kept my mouth shut.
As I was finishing up the bike, I saw a couple other Cincy Express teammates already out on the run, so I shouted as loud as I could and pretty soon, I was pulling into T2. Time: 1:12.01

T2:
Rack my bike, take off shoes, helmet, slip on Zoots...and for some reason I walked until I hit that timing mat. I still had NO idea where I stood place wise. And I was having fun, so I didn't really care. I also knew I was making fairly good time.

The 10k Run:
It was flat and fast. But also all in the sun. The first mile is trudged across the levee, on grass...that had just been rained on...and tramped across by the sprint tri peeps. So, it was, needless to say, a little sloppy. I hot the first mile at 7:18 and waited for my legs to come around. Just before the turnaround, I saw the leading female (who I'd beat at Triple in every race). I thought that maybe, just maybe, I could hunt her down on the second half of the run...and then, at the turn around, I saw black speedsuit girl stopping for water. I got some water myself and went on ahead as she was complaining of cramping.
I kept myself relaxed and ready to go at any moment. At the last water stop, with about a mile to go, I asked for a Heed and heard "Water! Water! Water!" from black speedsuit just behind me. I didn't even look back, I just decided to pick up the pace for the last few minutes. With about a quarter mile to go, we hit the home stretch into the parking lot and round a corner where her cheering squad was based. They yell for her as she passes me. I was exhausted. She'd stayed right on my heels the whole last half and I didn't have it in me to go and get her in the last few hundred yards....
Until I heard someone yell my name. Suddenly, I knew I had it. I got a shit eatin' grin on my face, giggled aloud and poured it on, coming in 20 or so feet ahead of her at the finish. (Also outsprinting the CE guy who wasn't going to get chicked by me. Interestingly, he also started a wave ahead of me, so it turned out to be a 2 min beating.)  Time (via watch as T2 and run did not get separated): 44:00

Total time of 2:23.04. 3rd place overall.

Post-Race:
I talked to some teammates and Scott (Big Daddy Diesel) and got a little something to snack on and then headed home. I had intended to ride (my bike) home from the race with a buddy of mine. Due to extenuating circumstances, this did not occur. So, upon arriving home, I went out for a two hour ride with the boy. And my legs were feeling it with every little riser. We discussed riding and racing technique and the mental aspects of competition. He's got a wealth of knowledge. And experience. Lucky me!

More TTT pics and favorite race moments

There are several things about the weekend which I left out. First and foremost, the format of the race, which is as follows:

* Race #1 - Fri, 5pm - Super Sprint - 250m swim, 5 mile bike, 1 mile run - time trial start - no drafting!
* Race #2 - Sat, 7:30am -Olympic AM - 1500m swim, 24.8 mile bike, 6.55 mile run - time trial start, no drafting!
* Race #3 - Sat, 3pm - Olympic PM - 24.8 mile bike, 1500m swmi, 6.55 mile run - teams MUST start and finish together - time trial start - Drafting allowed among each team ONLY!
* Race #4 - Sun, 7am - Half Iron - 1.2mile swim, 55.5 mile bike, 13.1 mile run - teams MUST start and finish together - time trial start - Drafting allowed among each team ONLY!

I was 1/2 of a coed team. We were competing for:

* 1st Place Coed Team - (2 $1500 WheelieFun Gift Card, 2 Hammer Nutrition Packages**)
* 2nd Place Coed Team - (2 Garmin Forerunners, 2 Transition Bags, 2 Hammer Nutrition Packages**)

* 3rd Place Coed Team - (2*wetsuits, 2 Hammer Nutrition Packages**)

I already have a sleeveless and a sleeved wetsuit. We weren't vying for third place.This is me and Scott G., my partner, during the last race.

We also had to wear these hideous jerseys for all four races. And the pockets were on each side (think love handle look when you have gels in said pockets), which did not lead to flattering pictures. And they were not exactly breatheable. And they held water. like. you. wouldn't. believe. Putting on a cold, wet, stinky, jersey first thing in the morning isn't the most pleasant of things.

I had so many friends doing this race. It's only 90 mins from Cincy, so lots of my teammates were out on the course, as well as my new coach, who told me he was "seeing God" as I cheered him on, running in the opposote direction. This is me and my buddy, Ackerman. We train together quite a bit. And I'm gonna miss the crap out of him now that we'll be on different training schedules.

The water was REALLY frickin' cold. I didn't wear a wetsuit for the Super Sprint on Friday since it was so short, but I was prepped to wear it Saturday. It rained (ie- electricity went out, tornado sirens were blaring, and the beach disappeared). I wasn't exactly prepped for the water to be even colder Saturday. Here I am chatting with my friend, Amy, and her partner before race #2. Nice bedhead.

Post race #2. Or #3? This is a redneck's ice bath.

And this is my timing chip stripper. He came for me every time, told me he likes legs after the first race. And after the last one, I was his "other girlfriend". Actually, he also fetched me a Coke and told my mom that he's from Wisconsin and that her "sister or daughter is the sweetest girl!" Yes, folks, I'm moving to WI!

This guy...well, just look.

I love running. Evidenced by the beaming smile.

I was registered for TTT last year, but got sick and couldn't compete. I've worked hard to get back to doing what I love. And to do it as best I can. Out on that run course, I had a few moments where I literally got chills when I heard people cheering for me. Sometimes, it all just feels really surreal. And my mom caught that moment just as the tears began to flow at the end of the race. Because I had something to gain here. I had some closure to attain.

I have the greatest parents. Mom and dad were both there. Mom captured me and dad having a moment.