Monday, December 28, 2009

Three down, one to go...

My Saturday morning run was much more enjoyable than the day before. Mostly because I was prepared for what was out there. More wind. More cold. And yes, I went out and about in the town of Effingham. I ran by the high school, which, if you've heard that Ben Folds song I referenced before, you'll notice the first line is "If there's a God, He is laughing at us and our football team!" It's because they're named the Effingham Flaming Hearts. No joke. 

And I ran past the hospital where I was born...This is also where my mom worked. And still does on occasion.

 After that fun, I ventured out to Wal-mart. And I was scared. So, for protection, I took Kaylee and I let her wear her Heelies. I figured I could play mom and fit right in with allowing her to skate down the aisles.

Then it was off to dad's side of the family in St. Joseph, IL. Again, I took Kaylee with me. We also brought the pup. .

If you get grossed out easily, skip the next paragraph.

Let me give a little preface that all dogs have something called anal sacs that can leak. And what come out is the most revolting liquid known to man. I'll just state for the record that there have been times when Clubber has secreted some fluid. It's usually when she's reaaaallllyy tired on warm and cuddling on someone's lap. Which is what she was doing with Kaylee on the way to dad's family. Clubber stood up and the odor wafted into the air as Kaylee screeched and I bursted out in laughter (not out of cruelty, but because it's happened to me before. and why not laugh?)

As luck would have it, we were just five miles from an oulet mall and stopped at Old Navy for a quick changing of the pants. and stuffing the old ones in a plastic bag. We were back on the road in no time. And later, Kaylee was able to laugh about the situation too.

We arrived and got to hang out with grandma, and the kids (2 year old Marley and 4 month old Owen) while dad and my little bro and his fiance went to get gifts. I love those children, but after a weekend of being around kids, let me just say that there is no better birth control than children themselves.

Back to mom's that night. In a snow storm. Luckily, I have a guy who will entertain my niece with text messages from Boulder while I grip the steering wheel and pray we don't die. Upon arrival, we encountered a mess of monumetal proportion...but I won't divulge what occured. Just know I went and cleaned up the next morning, but stayed the night on the couch at my grandma's.

And went for another cold, and snowy this time, run before the 25 family members gathered at Granny's. That was fun. It was just a lot of people. And a lot of kids. Seriously. Very effective birth control. I was EXHAUSTED by the time I left that afternoon.


So was Clubber, but she got some lovin' from her cousin, so I think that totally made up for it...

I got in my car to make the drive back to Cincinnati, and it smelled like gasoline, but I figured it would go away like it usually does (yes. I said usually. I mean, i usually also only drive the 6 miles to work, so it doesn't bother me). But a half hour down the expressway and I wasn't feeling too great. And I had the window down. And it was all of 19 degrees. Oh, and i don't have heat.

So, I called mom and my little bro brought me her car to drive home. A couple accidents on the roads, some severe traffic, and a 6 hours later (it usually takes 3.5-4 hours), I was finally back in KY in my own bed!

And there's only one more Christmas to celebrate.


Tawnee said...

Hahahaha.... dude, my family and I have experienced the grossness of dog anal sacs over the years so I was cracking up when I read this. Nasty, but funny!

Your Christmases are truly insane, but that's family! Gotta love it.

Big Daddy Diesel said...

Yes, I agree 100%, kids are the best form of birth control

LOL, I have no heat in my car either, I feel your pain

Court said...

LMAO at the birth control comments. You hit the nail on the head.

It took us 10.5 hours on our journey back, which usually takes 7. Talk about excruciating! I'm just glad we weren't one of the unfortunate slide-offs.

Mike Russell said...

My brother brought his two kids over for Christmas and it helped me make the decision that I am good with what I have...

And how did you survive the winter in KY last year without heat?

Carolina John said...

I was so glad to make it back to raleigh after spending christmas back in SC. the traffic through charlotte was horrible! and I didn't have that cold and gas smell to contend with.

kids are fantastic birth control. moreso after you have them.

Missy said...

Oh yes, the bain of the Spaniel type dog of any kind - anal leakage. Wait, just stand in the room when they 'express' the glands. HOLY CRAP, it'll knock your socks off, no joke. You can get anal glads removed, it's just fart storage.