Thursday, December 24, 2009

Four Christmases. in real life

My mom and dad are from IL. When I was a wee tot, my dad got a job with the federal government, which moved us to Northern KY/Cincinnati. And we're pretty much the only ones that moved away. ever. The entire rest of the family is still in IL. It was always us that travelled for holidays, back to Effingham (central IL) and St. Joseph (right outside Champaign). This was always an adventure. For one, my parents couldn't take a trip to the mall without a major blowout. And any trip over 45 mins and my older brother would eat a can of honey roasted peanuts and stink us all out. I was the token fat, middle child (and only girl) that always needed to eat. you know "can we stop at Dairy Queen?" right after having had McDonald's. And candy. Chips. Coke. You name it.

Yeah. Dysfunctional doesn't even begin to describe.

My parents have since divorced. And remarried. And my little brother moved far away and started his own family. And mom moved back to IL. So, I still travel. There's Christmas at mom's. Christmas at mom's family. Christmas at dad's and Christmas at dad's family.

Things are much calmer and more fun now that I'm older. And now that we're not three crazy kids and fighting parents shoved in a minivan full of peanut gas going over the river and through the woods.

But that's not to say it's not entertaining. I mean, within the first hour of my arrival to mom's today, my granny said "now...I think you've gained some weight since I last saw you..." Um, she's 90. And her memory is dwindling. And I no longer wear a size 0 (yeah, fat kid to way  too skinny to now) but that comment has had me feeling like a lard ass all night. But that's just granny. If it's not your weight, it's your hair. but she's honest. so it's kinda funny.

I decided to make the trek to Effingham today lest I spend Christmas eve at my lonely little apartment and Christmas day wondering why the hell I didn't finish all my shopping earlier. It's just the girls here now - my mom, my granny, my niece, Kaylee and me. Oh, and Clubber. We're banishing the male cat to the porch (no worries, it's covered and like 40 degrees out).

Just now, we were decorating the tree and my mom busts out in song "O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree"... and Kaylee is commenting on Clubber sniffing feline ass. Granny went home. She lives next door (yes, this is small town central IL - for a funny take on this town, listen to Ben Folds "Effington"). She keeps her house at about 82 degrees so no one stays long. Smart lady. Or maybe she wants to see some skin?

Did I mention that I also had to help Kaylee register her new iPod? yes. Miley Cyrus. And Taylor Swift. I think I already heard Party in the USA about 20 times. in the last hour.

Tomorrow, the rest of the family comes in for some grub. The hilarity ensues. Stay tuned. I'll have pictures. Maybe even old fat pics.

In other news, I stopped by Judi's today to exchange gifts and got these adorable wellies!

And she made Clubber a collar with her name on it!

And Clubber got to play with Fausto and Ari. Lucy prettty much stayed to herself. But it made Clubber EXHAUSTED for the ride. Good for me. Merry Christmas all!!!
Oh, Chipmunks Christmas album is now playing as our soundtrack.


Missy said...

Merry Christmas! Yeah, old people, they're crazy, really, they're crazy. What did you balloon up to a size 1 or something? I know I outweigh you by at least 30lbs...if that makes you feel any better.

Love all the gifts from Judi.

Judi said...

hey girl, perfect description of xmas. love it. hope you are having fun. drive home safely on sunday. talk to you soon!!

Judi said...

oh yea, effingham? lol, all i could think of was fuckingham.

Court said...

I love this narrative . . . I can totally imagie being in the minivan, making the trek back to IL. This is the same exact drive I made yesterday, heading past Champaign and onto Hannibal, MO. My parents moved here since I've been an adult, and so it's not home for me. Once you get past Indianapolis, the drive is absolutely unbearable! SO BORING! Thanks for the vivid imagery of your childhood Chrismases :-)