As you well know from my last post, my attitude was in need of an adjustment. Perhaps, I was on one of those downward swings of my training bi-polar disorder (for clarification, read Mary's post). Maybe it was PMS. Regardless, I was in need of some type of mental awakening. When one of your training buddies looks at you and says "You look sad..." and you snap back "no! I'm pissed! I hate failing. And I just failed" and they tell you that you need to take a breath, it's probably a good indication that you're taking yourself, and training, too seriously.
I went about my Tuesday night spin session. And my Wednesday morning run, which I described to a coworker as one of those workouts that is done on auto-pilot, kinda like sometimes you get to work and you don't really remember the drive there. It was that kind of a run. But it was fairly up-tempo. And I was sweating like a pig, so I'm not sure how it happened, exactly.
And then there was the 90 min Spinerval DVD last night. I did have some texting distraction for that. And I was checkin' out Coach Troy's legs. And, well, he needs some new shorts.
Anyway....I had this moment (while eating a large oatmeal cookie slathered in peanut butter. after dinner, mind you) where I was actually questioning why I even do this. Why do I kill myself day in and day out to be an age-grouper? Why do I get up at ungodly hours to go train, watch what I eat during the day, work out after work? It surely isn't for vanity because those 50 pairs of heels in my closet get very little use these days.
So, I went to bed. And I awoke at 4:30 am for swim practice. Ugh! And it occurred to me that this feeling happens every now and then. And then I thought about what brings me back. And I thought about the fact that I have a choice. It's when that choice to train is taken away that you TRULY appreciate the ability to train. I thought about how there is this 13 year old boy who was just diagnosed with bone cancer in his knee. And he has to undergo chemo, a joint replacement, more chemo, no school...
And like that, I was happy (see: training bi-polar post - it comes and goes that quickly sometimes)to be going to the pool at 5am being given sets that push my limits. And you know what? I made them. Even the ones I didn't think I could.
I still can't stand people who drive 60mph in the left lane or close talkers, but like Judi sent me via text the other night "Life is GOOD, girl!"
Fudgy Black Bean Brownies
8 hours ago