Thursday, February 18, 2010

My Attitude Adjustment

As you well know from my last post, my attitude was in need of an adjustment. Perhaps, I was on one of those downward swings of my training bi-polar disorder (for clarification, read Mary's post). Maybe it was PMS. Regardless, I was in need of some type of mental awakening. When one of your training buddies looks at you and says "You look sad..." and you snap back "no! I'm pissed! I hate failing. And I just failed" and they tell you that you need to take a breath, it's probably a good indication that you're taking yourself, and training, too seriously.

I went about my Tuesday night spin session. And my Wednesday morning run, which I described to a coworker as one of those workouts that is done on auto-pilot, kinda like sometimes you get to work and you don't really remember the drive there. It was that kind of a run. But it was fairly up-tempo. And I was sweating like a pig, so I'm not sure how it happened, exactly.

And then there was the 90 min Spinerval DVD last night. I did have some texting distraction for that. And I was checkin' out Coach Troy's legs. And, well, he needs some new shorts.

Anyway....I had this moment (while eating a large oatmeal cookie slathered in peanut butter. after dinner, mind you) where I was actually questioning why I even do this. Why do I kill myself day in and day out to be an age-grouper? Why do I get up at ungodly hours to go train, watch what I eat during the day, work out after work? It surely isn't for vanity because those 50 pairs of heels in my closet get very little use these days.

So, I went to bed. And I awoke at 4:30 am for swim practice. Ugh! And it occurred to me that this feeling happens every now and then. And then I thought about what brings me back. And I thought about the fact that I have a choice. It's when that choice to train is taken away that you TRULY appreciate the ability to train. I thought about how there is this 13 year old boy who was just diagnosed with bone cancer in his knee. And he has to undergo chemo, a joint replacement, more chemo, no school...

And like that, I was happy (see: training bi-polar post - it comes and goes that quickly sometimes)to be going to the pool at 5am being given sets that push my limits. And you know what? I made them. Even the ones I didn't think I could.

I still can't stand people who drive 60mph in the left lane or close talkers, but like Judi sent me via text the other night "Life is GOOD, girl!"

11 comments:

Corky said...

I blame my crappy mood on Feb , it's like the longest , shortest month of the year .
Keep on keeping on !
Remember , your a ROCK STAR !!!

Kim said...

You are entitled to a crappy day, week or month! Sounds like yours was a fleeting moment but I like how you just always come through stronger in the end.

Judi said...

you are always all drama when the training starts ramping up! have fun, life is good. i just ate 5 cookies and half a chocolate bar that berries in it. :)

Jen said...

Come on ROCK STAR... you are awesome and you are inspiring me.

D10 said...

Glad I am not the only one who feels this way. Thanks for the post. I am already starting to look forward to a 4am wake up call.

Melissa said...

I def. struggle on occassion as well and ask those questions to. I think it's good to ask once and a while so that I am reminded of how lucky I am to be able to do this. Carry on!!

Ray said...

great post! hi I'm Ray LOL

Big Daddy Diesel said...

Maybe its the 3 feet of f'ing snow we have had.

We all go through training bouts, questioning why the heck we do this. Even why dont we just become a runner or just a cyclist. But it seems we cant just quit, we are just wired differently.

Bill said...

It must be a winter mood that I share with you. I'm still not that excited about my half marathon this weekend. I hope my mood gets better once I start really training for that March Oly Tri.

Missy said...

GET THE EFFE OUT OF THE LEFT LANE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!

I'm with ya. I have various 'breakdown' moments in all of this. What a time. I only do it because I can. It IS that simple.

Mary IronMatron said...

So true....
Sometimes I get the low when I have simply been training too hard. I take a day--and then I'm back. But you are right--when it's taken from you you really appreciate it the most. It's good to remind ourselves that we are so fortunate to be able to train like we do.!