As you well know from my last post, my attitude was in need of an adjustment. Perhaps, I was on one of those downward swings of my training bi-polar disorder (for clarification, read Mary's post). Maybe it was PMS. Regardless, I was in need of some type of mental awakening. When one of your training buddies looks at you and says "You look sad..." and you snap back "no! I'm pissed! I hate failing. And I just failed" and they tell you that you need to take a breath, it's probably a good indication that you're taking yourself, and training, too seriously.
I went about my Tuesday night spin session. And my Wednesday morning run, which I described to a coworker as one of those workouts that is done on auto-pilot, kinda like sometimes you get to work and you don't really remember the drive there. It was that kind of a run. But it was fairly up-tempo. And I was sweating like a pig, so I'm not sure how it happened, exactly.
And then there was the 90 min Spinerval DVD last night. I did have some texting distraction for that. And I was checkin' out Coach Troy's legs. And, well, he needs some new shorts.
Anyway....I had this moment (while eating a large oatmeal cookie slathered in peanut butter. after dinner, mind you) where I was actually questioning why I even do this. Why do I kill myself day in and day out to be an age-grouper? Why do I get up at ungodly hours to go train, watch what I eat during the day, work out after work? It surely isn't for vanity because those 50 pairs of heels in my closet get very little use these days.
So, I went to bed. And I awoke at 4:30 am for swim practice. Ugh! And it occurred to me that this feeling happens every now and then. And then I thought about what brings me back. And I thought about the fact that I have a choice. It's when that choice to train is taken away that you TRULY appreciate the ability to train. I thought about how there is this 13 year old boy who was just diagnosed with bone cancer in his knee. And he has to undergo chemo, a joint replacement, more chemo, no school...
And like that, I was happy (see: training bi-polar post - it comes and goes that quickly sometimes)to be going to the pool at 5am being given sets that push my limits. And you know what? I made them. Even the ones I didn't think I could.
I still can't stand people who drive 60mph in the left lane or close talkers, but like Judi sent me via text the other night "Life is GOOD, girl!"
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