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So....training was going really great. I was doing 70 mile weeks very comfortably, including hill work and long runs. and then i got up to 80 miles in a week. I did back to back 20 milers. I did a 25 mile run at 7:46 pace.

And then, i got bronchitis....with a touch of pneumonia....and I'm on  a z-pack. and i'm on the mend. But this illness and the time off and the stress inducing causation of it all has really made me take a step back and appreciate the health i do have.

I've gotten mixed reviews on what I share about my personal life on here. And, honestly, that's part of the reason I quit sharing altogether.But, you know what, this is for me...not so much for you, though I do love your support. And i promise I'll talk about training more and I'll post more. but tonight, I just have to share what I've learned through heartache and pain and training and growing into myself....

I wrote this list back in 2006, when a friend asked if I'd learned anything through ,my marriage and subsequent divorce....And we had gone to san Francisco while shit was going down and ironically, I'm going back this week, and going through another transitional phase in which i need a reminder of these things, so, here's what I came up with then..

You asked me what I learned...

that you can love someone without being in love with them.
that it isn't the institution of marriage that is flawed, but the relationship.
that if what i had with him is the greatest thing i will have with someone else, i'd rather be alone.
that love is true and total acceptance.
that consistently putting your friends above your spouse is simply not realizing your spouse is your best friend.
that co-dependency is not love.
that you have to love you to love someone else. If that someone else doesn't allow you to love yourself, they can't be the person for you.
that everything happens for a reason.
that love sees beauty no matter what your clothes, hair, makeup, jewelry...
that once trust is broken, it might never be restored.
that love doesn't force you to unwillingly sacrifice things you love.
that i am okay...good even...maybe great, even if not great for him.
that everyone needs someone (or lots of someones) besides their spouse.
that you should never feel guilty for doing the things you love to do, even if the other person doesn't particularly enjoy those things themself.
that you never HAVE to stop learning about the other.
that sometimes, when you are sad, you don't even realize it because you haven't been happy in so long.
that it is far easier to forgive than to forget.
that sometimes, you should just be grateful.
that you shouldn't have to be afraid of your next wrong-doing.
that time together won't ALWAYS be fun, but it should be some of the time.
that it's okay to admit defeat.
that i don't need acceptance, approval or attention from any man to be acceptable.
that sometimes, you have to give yourself that hug you want so badly.
that you should never give up hope for that right person, but know that it will be fine if you never actually find them.
that independence is liberating.
that time and effort don't always equal success.
that you will know when you've had enough.
that jealousy, control, harassment are not emotions wrought of love.
that you shouldn't say/do things you regret or apologize for in the morning.
that sometimes, it's okay to get drunk and make an ass of yourself, but....
that it isn't okay to do so on a consistent basis.
that you really should never go to bed angry.
that you shouldn't have to cry yourself to sleep when the person that says they love you more than anything is lying right next to you.
that i am strong, i am likeable, i am funny (sometimes), i am beautiful, i am smart, and i can do so many thing that someone else may not be able to. i am me.
that i am amanda, not just so-and-so's friend/girlfriend/fiance/wife.
that you should always follow your instincts.
that doubt is a good indicator.
that someone who doesn't appreciate your time, doesn't deserve your time.
that communication is a major factor in any relationship.
that tough times call for tough measures.
that something in life will show you who your true friends are...and that you are lucky/blessed to have even two true friends in life.
that you shouldn't feel as though your opinion doesn't matter.
that you don't always get your way, but you shouldn't always let them have their way- compromise is key!!!
that if your friends and family don't like him, there is probably a reason.
that being denied too many times will lead to never asking for that same thing again.
that deprivation of even one elemental thing is completely destructive.
that oftentimes the right thing to do is the hardest thing to do.
that everything will be okay in the end. if it's not okay, it's not yet the end

Opportunities

I have the Wall Street Journal sitting on my desk at work. It's from 12/31/10. And it's just the entertainment section. I picked it up a week or so ago with intentions of reading the cover story "Cultural Resolutions" in which artists share their goals for the coming year. I don't know why I hadn't read it until now, but it's intriguing and inspiring to see that even simple things can be goals. Nanette Lepore, a designer, wants to do "more flirting, including with her husband". Ozzy Osbourne: "I'm still alive, so I would say that I was successful with my one resolution last year".  There is a pianist who "intends to do the most difficult thing - to make people dance" and a Danish artist who wants to "create a work of art that only consists of a feeling". David Shore, creator and producer of "House": "i want to find something else that inspires me." Isn't that always a fabulous goal? hmm...

So, the beginning of the year provides this opportunity to formulate new goals. And I've been tossing some around in my head, but I think it's time I actually get a few of them down on paper.

I've actually already started one. This "cleanse". It's not a cleanse so much to remove the toxins from my body as it is to remove the shit from my diet. I've tried, unsuccessfully on a few occasions to clean up my diet. And I always fail. I figured a good sweeping of all the bad (like diet soda, coffee, sugar, vending machine snacks, the crap I want before I go to bed at night...) was a good way to get there. It's a focused attempt at breaking some bad habits. Seriously, they're habits at this point. I used to have that coffee every morning because it was what I always did. And the Coke Zero at lunch? The same. And having something sweet after lunch? yup. HABIT! The idea is that I will bbreak these habits after three weeks, and therefore eat cleaner all the time.

Already, I've noticed changes. I don't get overly hungry (which, yes, Zen, I'm sure comes from my food choices that create a spike and then a dip in blood sugar), but I also don't get overly full. I was eating pretty well; plenty of fruits and vegetables. But probably too much sugar, bread, crackers, and...beer. Now, well, now it's lotsa water, which leaves me with better hydrated skin! It just so happens to be a recovery week, so maybe that has something to do with it, but I have steady energy throughout the day. I don't have that dread after work that there lies another trainer session. There is a slight dip in the mid-morning, but I think that will pass as I continue to cope without my caffeine. AND I'm sleeping through the night! That used to never happen. I can't wait to see what happens in the days to come.

That wasn't so bad

Hmmm....The day started out snowing. It may have let up just a little, but it's snowing, yet again. I went to the store last night and it was a madhouse. Like el fucking muerto blanco is coming!!! Better load up on food because we might starve in a snow storm. Really? I hoofed it to and from work in the snow. People looked at me like I'm crazy. And I might be, but not for that reason.

But because of the snow, today was a trainer day. After walking home from work, I put some spaghetti squash in the oven and hopped on the bike for an hour of time trialing with Coach Troy. It warmed me up, so really, it wasn't that bad.

Today was also day #1 of "the cleanse". And I made it through successfully.

Now before you all start passing judgement about what this "cleanse" is, exactly, let me just tell you first and foremost, this is in no way a fast. It is simply a means of eating clean. REALLY clean.

It's 21 days long. And for the first 10 days, one can eat his weight in organic (non-starchy) vegetables. And have half as many servings of organic fruit. And you're allowed 1/2 cup brown rice or 1 cup lentils per day. And lots of water. Whey protein is also allowed (and recommended) in 2-3 shakes per day. There's just no meat. No dairy. No preservatives. No sugar. Spices and a couple tbsp of oil are also recommended.

Going in, I was terrified I'd be starving. But so far, I've not had any major low blood sugar moments or lingering hunger pains. I did, however, realize just how dependent upon caffeine I am. Not having that morning coffee is no bueno. The morning headache and sleepy eyes are something that will dissipate, but I'm not sure coffee is something I'll give up forever.

I actually didn't even have the rice/lentils today. I made the aforementioned spaghetti squash, which was topped with broccoli, carrots and a ginger sauce I mixed last night. Yum. I may feel differently in a few days, but for now, I'm feeling pretty good. 21 days is a long time though.

'Tis the Season!

for trainer rides, that is. It's getting light so much later. And there's a chill in the air. In an effort to maximize training time, between work and (other) play, this is how my mornings are shaping up, ya know, when I'm not swimming a couple miles before the sun rises...

 And I'd forgotten how much I sweat on the trainer! sheesh.

Tomorrow morning I leave for Myrtle Beach for Halfmax Championships, which serve as the Long-Course 2011 World Qualifiers. By Sunday, I should be reporting whether I'm part of Team USA.

And that kinda scares the shit out of me. I haven't really been nervous about racing this year. And the pressure is self-induced, but I guess I have something to prove. to myself. So I'm hoping the hard work pays off. For the next couple days, I'll be resting and hydrating and race prepping!

Struggling

So, while there are moments when I have the "i haven't screwed up, i've just learned" attitude, there are also times when i have the "if life ain't beautiful without the pain, well, i'd rather never ever see beauty again" kinda attitude.

And, admittedly, I've felt the latter on more than one occasion this last week. I absolutely hate saying this. or typing it, but...

(gasp!) I've lost my love for the bike.

I miss the feeling of weightless speed and climbing hills with ease. and feeling as though I could ride for hours on hours. And I really, really miss having fun riding. I miss laughing so hard I didn't think about the pain in my legs or my lungs. All my buddies are through with their tri seasons. And I have a little over a week remaining until HalfMax. I hate to say this too, but I'm looking forward to being through with structured training for a bit.

I have been getting back on the trainer for some focused rides, particularly since the light is dwindling quickly with the coming of fall. But even then, I'm just getting the workout in and sweating. So I can, hopefully, pull off one good last race.

The real struggle isn't so much the training. It's the pressure that I put on myself to perform. It's becoming a bit much. The fear of failure. The fear that I won't be as good as I know I'm capable. It's giving me major anxiety. I'm worried that my life issues of the summer have interfered with my training and mentality and that I've allowed something to keep me from living up to my potential. And now it's too late to hunker down and get any more fit. Long hard workouts will do nothing to help me now. And will only hurt. So, I think the real challenge of this next race is completely mental. I have to learn to believe. And trust. I've put in the work. Now, I just have to not allow the recent self-esteem beating to interfere with racing.

On being a wimp.

Admittedly, we, here in Cincinnati, have been spoiled the last week with sunny skies and 60+ degree temps. Alas, all good things must end...

I left work on Friday to go meet my mom and niece for a mani/pedi and dinner when the skies opened up and dumped some rain. And hail. Lightning flashed across the sky. It was beautiful!

After a foot scrub, rub, painting and too much Mexican, I was back home and in bed for the big day of racing on Saturday.

Make that the big day of racing in the rain...or the big day of racing that wasn't mean to be.

The 5 miler was easy enough. Anyone can run in the rain. It's the rain and 45 degrees that isn't so fun. It was bearable though. This was a prediction type run, with staggered starts. It's been quite an epic week of training...and I had the intention of riding the 40k TT after, so I adjusted my sights to a 7:15 pace. And then I could barely get any food down that morning. I still felt steak fajita in my belly.

I warmed up for a few miles, changed into tri storts so I wouldn't be distracted with my running shorts riding up with the rain and all...and put on my Zoot racers and I was off!

I started out really relaxed. And hit the mile marker at 6:39. Hmm...I'm not exactly on that 7:15 pace...Oh well...mile 2, I see 13:something. Mile 3, 20:23. I slowed down a bit then to talk to a fellow runner who was attempting to explain the rules of this fun run (yeah, i'm not the greatest listener...). And then I see my buddy...who was suppose to join for the race, but apparently overslept. I shout "You're late!!!" as he's running toward me and as he asks what kind of pace we're running, to which I responded "6:40s" (I'm also not great at math when running.) He starts laughing... And then checking his Garmin to get us to that 6:40 pace. It hurt. And as he was telling me to "push it" that last mile, all I could retort was "easy for you to say". He'd only run like 1.25 miles at that pace.

And before I knew it, it was over. 34:02. 6:48 pace. Not bad. Especially after the week of training that'd been had.

We (my two teammates and I) made an executive decision to bag the TT due to the wet road conditions (it'd been raining for about 15 hours at that point). So, I went home to enjoy the trainer. An hour spinning and an hour with Coach Troy and Spinervals 2.0 Time Trial.

I think I fell asleep on the couch after some food and a shower.

I awoke and hit the grocery. And ended the evening with some Rainbow Sherbet. I'd forgotten what a delicious (sugary) treat it is!

And up early to head to Dayton for a long ride with the race team more rain. The worst of it being north of us. So, I got it in my head that I'd make it a long ass trainer day. Like a 5-6 hour trainer ride day. Hour one was spinning, getting the legs loose. Hour two included a min of stomps every five. Hour three, we transitioned from TV to iPod. And into aero for some longer sets. At the end of hour three, I made my way to the kitchen for a bagel slathered in pb and honey and a banana, water refills and then a potty break. I was back in the saddle in less than 10 mins. Hours four and five included some tempo work and more stomps (to keep from going totally numb...and totally bored)...and some texting and FB checking (having the internet at my fingertips is amazing!)

After five hours, my wooha just couldn't take any more. And I'd soaked through a hand towel. Not to mention my sports bra. And I was smelling pretty ripe. Ok, very ripe.

Food and one of the best showers ever and I (again) fell asleep on the couch. This time, at 7:30. Which, pre-time change was only 6:30. Lame. And I felt like I was dragging a piano in the pool this morning. But my times were on, so whatever.

I had this epiphany this morning as I was listening to the radio this morning on my way home from the gym. They said Cincinnati has been voted the "Craziest city". No wonder I can't see to escape.

My Attitude Adjustment

As you well know from my last post, my attitude was in need of an adjustment. Perhaps, I was on one of those downward swings of my training bi-polar disorder (for clarification, read Mary's post). Maybe it was PMS. Regardless, I was in need of some type of mental awakening. When one of your training buddies looks at you and says "You look sad..." and you snap back "no! I'm pissed! I hate failing. And I just failed" and they tell you that you need to take a breath, it's probably a good indication that you're taking yourself, and training, too seriously.

I went about my Tuesday night spin session. And my Wednesday morning run, which I described to a coworker as one of those workouts that is done on auto-pilot, kinda like sometimes you get to work and you don't really remember the drive there. It was that kind of a run. But it was fairly up-tempo. And I was sweating like a pig, so I'm not sure how it happened, exactly.

And then there was the 90 min Spinerval DVD last night. I did have some texting distraction for that. And I was checkin' out Coach Troy's legs. And, well, he needs some new shorts.

Anyway....I had this moment (while eating a large oatmeal cookie slathered in peanut butter. after dinner, mind you) where I was actually questioning why I even do this. Why do I kill myself day in and day out to be an age-grouper? Why do I get up at ungodly hours to go train, watch what I eat during the day, work out after work? It surely isn't for vanity because those 50 pairs of heels in my closet get very little use these days.

So, I went to bed. And I awoke at 4:30 am for swim practice. Ugh! And it occurred to me that this feeling happens every now and then. And then I thought about what brings me back. And I thought about the fact that I have a choice. It's when that choice to train is taken away that you TRULY appreciate the ability to train. I thought about how there is this 13 year old boy who was just diagnosed with bone cancer in his knee. And he has to undergo chemo, a joint replacement, more chemo, no school...

And like that, I was happy (see: training bi-polar post - it comes and goes that quickly sometimes)to be going to the pool at 5am being given sets that push my limits. And you know what? I made them. Even the ones I didn't think I could.

I still can't stand people who drive 60mph in the left lane or close talkers, but like Judi sent me via text the other night "Life is GOOD, girl!"

It happens to us all

You know, those events that occur that make an impact on your life, your behavior, your thoughts... And as they occur, you don't necessarily know that they're that important. It's only after the fact that you realize just how much they matter.

I had one of those this past weekend. I was given the opportunity to remember the things that are important to me. And I was reminded to slow it down a notch every now and then and assess the moment.

It's all very fitting because this is a recovery week. And I was beginning to feel the effects of the training build-up over the previous three weeks. I don't just mean physically. It's all very mentally exhausting as well. I get a little tired of always thinking about the next workout and it's purpose, going to bed at such-and-such time so that I can assure at least eight hours sleep, what to eat and when for optimal recovery, and let's not start on when to fit in the grocery shopping, cleaning, laundry...planning, planning, planning. It gets to feeling like I never have time to enjoy RIGHT NOW because I'm always thinking about what's next.

And recovery weeks help me get back to being able to do that. I take my focus down a notch. It's not that training is any less important. Or that I love it any less. It's just that I'm not taking it so seriously. And it seems this might be a better approach to training every day. So, I think I'm going to try and be a bit less concerned with how it all fits in and just be a bit more grateful that I always fit it in... If the laundry sits in the basket for five days, it doesn't mean I'm a bad person or that the world is falling apart. The laundry will wait. And it will get done. Eventually. Lord knows, I have plenty of gear to get me through more than a week of training.

Speaking of which, Boulder was in town over the weekend and brought lots of goodies for me - cycling jerseys and shorts and jackets and gloves, running shorts, tops, a trisuit. Yeah, I'm spoiled. It was in part due to a friend of his, but still, free gear is always much appreciated. We had a fun weekend overall. But I can't say it was training focused. And that, in part, is what led to my little revelation over the weekend.

On to other things...
 - The Lost premier last night? Well, I loved it for all it's literary and biblical references, but I was a little annoyed with the introduction of, yet, more new characters. This show always makes for good work conversation.
 - I got my Splish grab bag suit today. It's super cute - red and black tiger stripes...but it does say "Boston University Masters Swimming" on the back and "BUMS" on the, uh...bum. Regardless, good training suit.
 - A copy of Food, Inc. is set to arrive from Netflix today. I've been wanting to see it for a while now and with Marni making note of it in her blog, I'm even more interested.
 - I have my first ROGAINE this weekend. And they're calling for cold wetness...a mix of rain and snow coming in tonight and leading into Saturday. Yay.
 - I also have a Nathan hydration pack coming tomorrow for use in that race. I'll let you all know how it works.
 - ...because I'll likely be using it for Leadville Silver Rush 50. I registered on Monday.
 - Coach Troy, from Spinervals fame, is competing again this year and has a blog. If you haven't stumbled upon it yet, go see him here.
 - Somehow, I am still loving those Spinervals Dvds. And they are getting easier. Judi and I love making fun of the cyclists in the videos. Boulder knows half of them. It makes life on the trainer more interesting, that's for sure.

That's about it. Oh, wait, we got sun this weekend! Yes, SUN! It's gone now, but still. It graced us with it's presence for about two gloriously cold days.

There's a warm up coming!

Seriously. It's supposed to break freezing temps this week! For now, it's still damn cold. The above picture is from the Dirt Dawg 8 mile trail run on Saturday morning. It was take AFTER the race. I have a cup of agua in my hands. I think you can see my breath. Or steam floating off my body. It was all of 14 degrees. And we had about five inches of snow to run (read:slip and slide) on those hills. It was fun though.

I won again! We started out at a faster pace than the last race...or so it seemed. I caught Missy (pictured above - left. that's me on the right) in the first mile and stayed with her as we approached another female runner (FR). Missy made a move and passed her. FR made no move in response. So, I followed suit and passed her as well. Then, she got a fire up her ass and passed us both back up.

I laughed. Out. Loud. And took off after her as Missy yelled "Have fun!" I quickly passed her and did the mental fake out of keeping up the pace until she could no longer see me. I didn't see FR the rest of the race, partially out of fear she'd get another flame lit and run me down.

Honestly, that race hurt. I haven't hurt like that in a race in a while. I just wanted it to be done! I think I was pleading with God to provide some sort of traction around mile 5. With every foot strike, there was a slight slip. I was wishing I had yak trax or screws in my shoes or something, anything, to give me some footing. The hills were the kind that couldn't be run down or you'd end up on your ass. They were the kind where you took a little hop and skid down on the soles of your shoes, holding onto trees and not resisting the pull of gravity.

I was so so glad I brought dry warm clothes to change into after the race! And then I went home and made a vat of chilli, half of which is in the freezer now. I'll be eating chilli the next 5 days even so. Quick nap and into the gym for some upper body weights and core work. Lots of core work. The kind of core work that made my abs hurt for Pilates class yesterday.

I skipped the Splash 'n' Dash because it just seemed like a horribly stupid idea. And coach agreed. Plus, it would've amounted to driving to Dayton two days in a row and therefore, accomplishing very little at home. So, I bagged it and rode the trainer, took Pilates, ran errands, swam, cleaned my apartment, and unsuccessfully walked the dog. It wasn't a success because she keeps refusing to go potty outside. Instead, she uses my bathroom floor. How is it that she's smart enough to know that the bathroom is where you do your duty, but not quite bright enough to realize that there is grass underneath the snow! She keeps walking and walking searching for grass....and never finds any.

So, yeah, I'm looking forward to this little warm up we're supposed to have this week. Maybe that grass will start to show again?

Baby, it's cold outside

What a week it's been! It started out on Monday as being nice and warm outside. Like 55 degrees. Tuesday, it was a little chilly as I got up and went to swim practice. I think it was in the 40s. I wore flip flops to practice. By the time I was headed to work, the temps had dropped into the 30s. And they kept sinking from there. It was a crisp 19 degrees on my way to practice this morning. Ugh. I just tried not to think about how I was going to have to strip down and get wet.

Luckily, it only takes a few hundred to get warm in the pool. Tuesday, we did a total of 4k. That included 29x100. It was all at easy pace, so it didn't really hurt.

I had a minor melt-down between swim practice and work. A good friend of mine happened to call in the middle of it. So, he picked me up for lunch...which was much needed. I have the most amazing people in my life.

Anyway, after work, I got on the trainer for my first focused bike workout of the off season. Twenty minutes in, I was dripping sweat. I'd forgotten what that was like! And having a focus for the ride makes it oh-so-much-easier to get through! I do so much better having a schedule. I mean, I'm going to exercise anyway, so it's better that someone else design what I'm supposed to do and how much of it I should do. If it were up to me, I'd probably just run five days a week, swim a few days, lift a couple days...and then, when I get back on the bike in the spring, I'll be wishing I'd been on it more in the winter.

Anyway, Wednesday morning was a run with strides. It was all of 17 degrees. But I just chose not to acknowledge that small factor. I just put on some layers and acted like it didn't matter. Those first ten minutes were COLD though. Then the sun began to rise and I couldn't help but be smiling at how beautiful it was on the bridge as I did my strides.

Luckily, I made it through the work day...and onto an easy spin. And then more cleaning. And baking. And watching movies.

Practice this morning was, um... tiring. Lots of sprints. Lots of kicks. A "half hour of power", which is as many hundreds as you can do on a specific interval. My lane was 1:20. And we ended with a timed 100 and  a timed 50. Did I mention it was 19 degrees out? I think my hair froze on the way home.

Tonight is nothing. Except cleaning out the car and maybe getting some groceries. Tomorrow is another cold ass run. With hills. And I can't wait!

I can't believe...

 - I actually went out for a ride on the mtb and didn't crash! I had a lot of fun. And I went alone. I got incredibly muddy and I slipped on ice a couple times. I found out that mtb tires have no traction when caked in mud. And even Marines will laugh at a chic in spandex who has mud streaks up her crack.
 - I opted to run on the treadmill instead of the road yesterday. It had been raining for about 12 hours. It was dark and dreary. I was cold. I wanted to sweat. So to the gym, I dragged my ass. And I got sweaty. And it was glorious.
 - They will hire anyone willing to work for minimum wage at the new Kroger Marketplace in Newport, KY. Wow. Did I just state the obvious? All of northern KY decided to visit this place on Sunday around noon. It took over a half hour to get through the check out line. And every lane was open. There are three cart corrals in the entire parking lot. Fucking genius.
 - A good friend of mine told me I'm intimidating. I've gotten this in the past, but I honestly thought that perception might have changed. I'm so not that girl. I mean, I'm a total softy. I don't get it. I'm totally approachable. In fact, I'll probably approach you. I'm just a clutzy goof. With an obnoxiously loud laugh.
 - I watched two movies this weekend. And two last weekend. And one before that. I rarely watch movies. And I just signed up for Netflix. I fugured I need something to do for these trainer rides during the week because...
 - The "off season base training plan" starts today. I have a schedule. Here we go!
 - As I sit here eating carrots and broccoli, my coworkers are ordering "Five Guys Burger and Fries". Just for shits and giggles, I pulled up the website. And the nutritional info. I decided not to ruin their fun and inform them of nutritional monstrosities they are about to comsume.

whirlwind of a weekend

Wow! Friday morning started with a 90 min trainer ride and T-run, then work and errands and dinner...

Saturday, I volunteered at a Cyclocross race up in Middletown, OH for about six hours. I got to hang out with my friend, Holly...but by the time I got in my car to go home, I was beat. And still needed groceries. I stopped on my way home and ended up eating my salad bar salad in my car in the parking lot of Kroger. Seriously. I was in bed by 8:30.

And up again by 5am so I could get my two hour Have Mercy DVD trainer ride in. It occurred to me that the first 25 mins of hard riding is always the most difficult for me. I remember back to Musselman when I was hurtin' that first 10-15 miles. I just need to accept that it will hurt for a while, but I'll settle in, so not to fear the pain. I finished my indoor sweat fest and went out for my 20 min t-run. kept it nice and easy paced...and clicked off 7:30 miles.

And showered and packed up Clubber to go watch Judi race at the CX race. It was a great course! Very spectator friendly, though, in Judi's words "the hardest thing [she's] ever done!"

She also ended up very muddy.

From there, I went to watch the Bengals beat the Ravens with some friends. I'm trying my best to hang out with everyone before I leave. So many people have made this year possible and I want to say thanks any way I can. This led to an extremely busy Monday. Luckily, it was Columbus Day and I didn't have to work.

After my hour run, I met up with Tom and then met up with Mom and my niece, Kaylee (who wrote me the cutest little note, see below), and then had to find khakis (which I have to wear twice in a week...with the dreaded, non-feminine polo, for the annual Thanksgiving Day Race commercial and then again in Perth), then to the chiropractor and then to Walgreens. Who spends $85 on nothing of particular importance at Walgreens?!?)

And then, I tried on my suits, again, and got all giddy and goofy. And here it is for all the world to see.

And after a wonderful swim practice this morning, I'm off to pick up some pipe insulation so I can start packing my bike!

Have Mercy!

OK, so I took it easy for a couple days. I took the entire day off Wednesday...

And then went to masters practice on Thursday. That was fun. I know I've said it a million times, but I love those guys I swim with. They're just good people. It's funny how swimming is for me...well, it's like so many other things, i suppose. When I believe I can do it, I can. with ease. But when I doubt my ability, I struggle. Thursday was just one of those days where I was like "ok, i can do this. no problem". and i did. and i still laughed the whole practice.

After a long freakin' day at work, a short run. And yes, i added some short speed intervals. But it was short. I also emailed coach to tell him that i wasn't feeling tired, that my tt time was slow but not horrible. He's heading out to Kona in a week, along with a super speedy girl that's in our training group. And we all did IMKY. He just responded "we're all a little fatigued. i don't want you to show up to your race feeling flat. you need to recover". Well, why didn't ya say so?? ha ha! he just wants me to shut up and listen, but i have to question question question... but I'm learning to trust.

Friday was some time on the bike trainer and then a short time running on the road. in the rain. it's been raining for, like, four straight days.

And then I had some fun on Friday night.

Today, I slept in. It was still dreary and wet. So, I chose to ride the trainer. Again. And I wanted some distinct instruction. SO, I slipped in the "Have Mercy" Spinervals dvd. It's two hours of the most difficult workouts from the previous 8 spinervals dvds. I had only done this once before. It was about 6 months ago. And it was the most difficult bike workout I'd ever done. The thing is rated a 10 on the intensity scale. and they tell you to make sure you have a towel for the sweat. And it's needed.

Today, it really wasn't so bad. I mean, yeah, i almost fell over swimging my leg off the bike after the 2 hours were up, but really, it was just another training session. And I didn't have to slow down or not follow the gear instructions. I did it all. As instructed. and I loved it. I was totally soaked 20 mins in. So after 120 minutes, I'd soaked through my towel. It was glorious.

my head...

...right now, is full of snot. Like, gallons of it. Seriously, what was I thinking going to Portsmouth this weekend for TTT training?! Beside the facts that my lung capacity is at about 65%, I can't breathe through my nose and my energy levels are waining, the courses for the 4 races are extremely hilly! I made it about 3 hours on the bike yesterday before I finally decided it was just stupid for me to be out there, particularly with one week 'til the Flying Pig. I felt like such a wuss, but I do know better. I couldn't keep up and my legs had no pep. Seriously, it wasn't even fun.

...talked me into staying the night anyway. Missy and I had our own cabin. At one point, all the guys were in it too, but we had the place t o ourselves the majority of the time. I figured I could rest up and even if I couldn't do the prescribed run in the morning (of run down to the trail, run the trail twice and back to the cabin), I could do part of it and see how the course looks. Missy and I did the whole thing anyway. It felt much more difficult than it should have for me. But, I made it through the whole two hours without passing out.

...is totally stuck on someone. CAN NOT GET HIM OUT! ugh.

...is wondering where I'll be moving a month from now. It's become pretty clear I can't live with mom and Kaylee. It's been an experience over the last year, but it's also a 3-ring circus inside these four walls. There are some things happening right now that just don't feel right. And that's something I can totally do without.

...is thinking about those who raced St. Anthony's today!

...needs a break. I'm off for a nap...

And bring on week TWO

I slept in my compression tights Sunday night and awoke before the alarm sounded...and not lying in a puddle of sweat! Wit hthe extra time on my hands, I decided to make the trip out to the pool at Mercy Anderson, where I used to swim Masters.

5:40am and I was in the water...a few hundred for warm-up, 6x100 drills and swim. I noticed that a guy had jumped in the lane next to me and was moving pretty quickly. Between sets, I looked and it was Curtis, one of the guys from Masters! I said hello and he mentioned he wondered who was swimming so fast next to him. Ha! Time to cut the small talk and get down to business. 3x800, each set with a different focus, and each with only a 20 sec breather. Coach E had given me a goal pace, but the effort was to be relaxed. These were long sets and the idea was to complete each in similar time. The first one, went out a little too fast, 20 seconds ahead of pace. Second one, 40 seconds over goal pace. Dang! Still learning how to pace in the water. I knew that third one was going to be difficult. The first half, I didn't feel too bad, but that last 400, I felt like I was dragging a piano through the water! And, I managed to be just over goal!

After that session, I was glad that my next workout wouldn't be for a full 24 hours.

So, after work, I went home, walked the dog and laid in bed reading a book while the rain poured down outside.

This morning was cold and wet and windy. I opted for the DREAMILL!! I hate that thing, but I wanted to wear shorts and sweat. And I did...through the warm-up, pick-ups and cool-down.

I was actually early (or earlier than normal for work) and I worked through lunch because it was still cold and wet and this time...hailing. So, my bike after work was on the trainer. It was just ok. I'm quite glad i stayed inside because it hailed yet again while i was riding. After a warm-up, there was high cadence stuff, which i like and welcomed. Then, 2x20min in z4 with a 5 min easy spin to separate. The first 20 min segment kinda sucked, but the last half of the second one is when i actually felt best. Cool-down, walk the pup and stretch.

Just so happens my boss is outta the office tomorrow so I can take a 2 hour lunch and do track work :)