Thank you all for your well wishes, kind words and support. It really means so much. I'm doing much better, physically, today.
Mom and I had a heated exchange this afternoon. Seems like everyone has an opinion on how I should be dealing with this. And when I don't choose their suggested path, I get wrath. And I have a lot of misdirected anger myself right now. It's taken a toll on mom to sit and watch me in so much pain, to be the only one to actually witness the severity of the physical pain. Her emotions are raw, as are mine. And tempers were flying and tears were on bith sides.
So, I decided to go for a run. I'd only eaten a banana and half a bagel and these meds have my tummy all jacked. I can tolerate a bit of physical pain for a good dose of mental relief. That time out on the road was the most peace I've had in over a week.
Coach had given each of us an exercise - visualize how we would race to beat him, as a competitor. I hadn't given it much thought until I was out there running. Everyone else had responded to the assignment. I was the slacker in class. Coach even suggested how he's beat me...and it's all mental. So much of racing comes down to the mental aspect. I'm not too familiar with how coach or these other athletes race, but I know me. I know that, for me, to panic in the water is self-destruction. I know that if I allow myself to get too discouraged with how much ground I'm losing on the bike, I'm setting myself up for failure. And I also know that on the run, simply faking a smile can actually bring about a real smile...and simply acting as if I'm feeling good and racing comfortable, even if i'm hurtin' like hell can discourage someone who really is hurtin like hell.
It's a good thing to think about - how you're going to handle the competition. Visualization strategies have always worked well for me, moreso in running than in triathlon, but tri is so new to me still...
So, I'm attempting to use this same strategy in life right now. I know my own strengths and weaknesses and I need to play them. I know that if I focus on the troubles, I will lose sight of all the blessings. I need to stay focus and not get overly discouraged.
So, I came home and gave mom a big hug and took a shower (yeah, second actual "shower" in 10 days though I've been in the tub many many times) and put on jeans instead of sweats. And mom went to the store so we can cook together tonight. And until she gets home, i'm gonna rest up and take a nap in my jeans :)