Saturday, May 23, 2009

Right where?

May today there be peace within you. May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content knowing that you are a child of God. Let His presence settle into your bones,and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, and to bask in the sun. It is there for each and every one of you.

Ok, so, today, I didn't really trust God that I was right where I was supposed to be...I was in Portsmouth, OH, watching some teammates race. In a race in which I was supposed to compete. Actually, it's a series of races. Four of them, over three days. And I went for the first one on Friday evening. And everyone rocked it out and I was really excited to be there to cheer them all on. And then, when everyone was finished and it was time to split, I just couldn't hack it. I'm selfish. And I'm weak. And I bawled my eyes out all the way to the hotel. There were only two cars when I arrived. Sweet salvation! Time alone in a hotel room with Busken cookies.

It was still early, so I decided to go for a run. It was short and fast and fairly uneventful. Upon return to the hotel. YUP!!! Full parking lot. Full of Triple T jerseys and bikes and gear and race excitement. I ate a cookie. And took some Tylenol and watched the last half of Rumor Has It... and hated life.

And I woke up still hating life. And Judi called. It was just time for me to go home and be with my family and enjoy the long weekend and relax. Selfish? Fine. Not racing and not having him there racing with me and sleeping a bed alone in a room we booked together. It's just too raw.

So, I drove home on Rte52. Wow. Talk about some small podunk towns! I passed every car I came upon. It was actually kinda fun. And I stopped at the gym on the way home. Took out some agression on the ERG at full resistance for a half hour. And then a swim.

Came home to dad and Marie and dad's buddy. there were words had through text and angry and hate. and pain and tears. and dad hugged me. And then they left for parties and the ball game.

I decided to go for a run. 7 miles. Good pace. No iPod. There's something so refreshing and reviving and raw about running for me. It restores me.

And then I played with the pups in the yard. And watching Clubber can revive a dead man's soul.

Now I'm sitting in front of the TV, watching Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist. I only picked it because Chris and I saw it being filmed as we were walking through NYC. But it's got some good music in it. And I'm a fan of Michael Cera. I'm going to trust God that I'm right where I'm supposed to be right now. And looking back on this morning, maybe that phone call was exactly what I needed. Maybe that was exactly where I needed to be, late for the race so I still had phone service so I could receive that call...and get back here.

1 comment:

Judi said...

awww. that last part gave me goosebumps and now i have tears in my eyes. you and me girl, we totally were supposed to meet on that beach last summer. friends all the way......