Friday, at work, I kept threatening my coworkers I was going to a bathroom stall to take a nap. Despite the enormous fatigue I was feeling, I tried for that Friday night ride. Cut it short at an hour because I realized it was just stupid to push it so soon after being so sick.
And then I awoke before 5am, barely able to move. Sent coach a text "Gettin sick again! Come and take it easy or go back to bed?" His response, simply "Bed!" And, admittedly, I cried myself back to sleep. I was upset over missing the team workout, upset about being sick again, upset that I'm in bed, upset that just a few months ago, Kona seemed in reach and now, even IMKY is getting further and further from my grasp. I was, once again, angry at the circumstances by which I became sick. The hatred and frustration all came back.
I slept for the next five hours. Deep sleep. Strange dreams. Dad brought me a prescription. Judi helped me with some research on vitamins and supplements to help build my immune system (thanks to both of you!!!) and without much ado, I went back down for a two hour nap.
Finally, around 4pm, I decided I needed some activity. An easy hour run. Wow, it feelt good to be outside! What was predicted to be a rainy day? Not as planned! It was sunny and breezy and beautiful. It took me almost an hour to run seven miles....but at least I was out. And when I got back? Shower, food, back to bed for some reading before actually dozing.
Another 10 hours of sleep. I awoke feeling much better. Not yet 100%, but still better than Saturday. So, I went out on the bike for an easy 2 hour spin. I did mix in some hills for a different route...and back home for food and more lying in bed.
I was honest with Coach about everything, my activity, my fatigue, my desire to keep training, even if it means only working half-days to have the energy. He sent me my plan for the week. It seems so half-assed and already, I'm thinking how I'll add time to the runs or yardage to the swims...and that's exactly the shit that gets me where I am. Pushing it. But how do you get better if you don't push? How do you break through to new levels of fitness or speed or endurance if you don't push through every now and then?
The silver lining in all this? I'm learning a lot about the human body and a weakened immune system. My eyes are being opened up to an entirely different way of looking at things. For me, life has always been "work hard, play harder". And it seems I'm being offered a different perspective.
Patience is a virtue. It just isn't one I typically hold close. I want to be better NOW! But, for now, I have to wait. Again. And if I push it, I'll likely have to wait...again. That only creates more frustration. So, i'm trying to simply accept with an open heart/mind/schedule that things just rarely go as planned.