Sunday, June 14, 2009

Nothing goes as planned...

...'cause that's just life.

Friday, at work, I kept threatening my coworkers I was going to a bathroom stall to take a nap. Despite the enormous fatigue I was feeling, I tried for that Friday night ride. Cut it short at an hour because I realized it was just stupid to push it so soon after being so sick.

And then I awoke before 5am, barely able to move. Sent coach a text "Gettin sick again! Come and take it easy or go back to bed?" His response, simply "Bed!" And, admittedly, I cried myself back to sleep. I was upset over missing the team workout, upset about being sick again, upset that I'm in bed, upset that just a few months ago, Kona seemed in reach and now, even IMKY is getting further and further from my grasp. I was, once again, angry at the circumstances by which I became sick. The hatred and frustration all came back.

I slept for the next five hours. Deep sleep. Strange dreams. Dad brought me a prescription. Judi helped me with some research on vitamins and supplements to help build my immune system (thanks to both of you!!!) and without much ado, I went back down for a two hour nap.

Finally, around 4pm, I decided I needed some activity. An easy hour run. Wow, it feelt good to be outside! What was predicted to be a rainy day? Not as planned! It was sunny and breezy and beautiful. It took me almost an hour to run seven miles....but at least I was out. And when I got back? Shower, food, back to bed for some reading before actually dozing.

Another 10 hours of sleep. I awoke feeling much better. Not yet 100%, but still better than Saturday. So, I went out on the bike for an easy 2 hour spin. I did mix in some hills for a different route...and back home for food and more lying in bed.

I was honest with Coach about everything, my activity, my fatigue, my desire to keep training, even if it means only working half-days to have the energy. He sent me my plan for the week. It seems so half-assed and already, I'm thinking how I'll add time to the runs or yardage to the swims...and that's exactly the shit that gets me where I am. Pushing it. But how do you get better if you don't push? How do you break through to new levels of fitness or speed or endurance if you don't push through every now and then?

The silver lining in all this? I'm learning a lot about the human body and a weakened immune system. My eyes are being opened up to an entirely different way of looking at things. For me, life has always been "work hard, play harder". And it seems I'm being offered a different perspective.

Patience is a virtue. It just isn't one I typically hold close. I want to be better NOW! But, for now, I have to wait. Again. And if I push it, I'll likely have to wait...again. That only creates more frustration. So, i'm trying to simply accept with an open heart/mind/schedule that things just rarely go as planned.


Philippe said...

That's sad :( Best luck to you with your training... And don't forget to SLEEP that will put you on your feet back again faster than any training!

zencycle said...

"But how do you get better if you don't push? "

In the context of 'getting better' as in 'getting well', pushing will only make you sicker.

I don't know what illness you have, but it seems to have been more than a little debilitating. Trying to train for an iron man event, let alone actually competing in one, coming off an illness that seems to have done so much damage, emotionally and physically, isn't a good idea. The stress in this post is palpable, and isn't healthy.

Take it easy this year, work on base fitness, get your head in the right place to actually compete in an event as demanding as an iron man. Fit in a few events like sprint tris, duathlons, running races, etc. Maybe one a month for the rest of this year.

2008 was a lost year for me, due to a repetetive stress injury, frustrating as I was coming into the season more fit than I had been in several years. I entered one race all year, at the end of the season, and that one ended up getting cancelled. But in the long run, it was better to let my body heal at it's own pace than push it and risk permanent injury. When I made the realization that racing would be counter productive, my stress level dropped dramatically. I actually had a reasonably nice relaxing summer.

Ironbolus said...

The hardest lesson I've had to learn for triathlon and especially Ironman is to trust your coach, when they give a specific yardage stick to it, they have the plan and the plan is what will get you to where you want to go.

Now - $5 For Each Of You!

Anonymous said...

Very few things in life that we want go as planned, but that just makes the end result sweeter when we finally get there.

The hardest thing about being an athlete is listening to your body. Knowing when to push and when to hold back is a challenge. However, it sounds like you are starting to figure it all out.

Have you looked into any special diets/nutrition that will help with your immune system?

Hope you get back to 100% soon.

Judi said...

i could kick your ass for doing these workouts last weekend. i thought you took it easy. and you were so hush hush about it, lol.

hope you are getting some rest tonight. ahem.