This means I am supposed to listen or check the lyrics.
I simply wanted to respond with: "No, It Isn't" +44.
But, I didn't.
I had gone back to Masters swim practice and then my amazing masseuse, so I didn't feel the energy needed to be spent.
I hadn't intended on Masters. It was a bit of a fluke. I got back to a schedule this week for training and there was a swim for Monday. Since I was busy moving and un-packing and re-assembling furniture all day Sunday, I slept in, figured I could get the swim in after work. I waltz into the gym at 5:05 (the old ladies invade at 6:15 for Aquatic Aerobics, so as soon as possible after work is KEY). I put on suit, gather my goggles, head for the back door of the locker room and see:
DANGER: POOL CLOSED
Wtf?! I had just swam the day before. Oh well. I didn't have shoes with me, so I just put my street clothes back on and went home. I was exhausted, but I needed to rid myself of the nervous energy I'm toting around, so I went for a run that was scheduled for Tues.
HOLY SHIT BALLS! I had forgotten how 90 degrees with massive humidity felt. I crashed early and decided it was good reason to get up and go to Masters since it's the only other pool to which I have access...and I had doubt about whether 12 hours would cure the busted pool at Urban.
I don't care what time you go to bed, 4:30am is early. But I walked the pup, gathered my gear and drove the 20 mins to Anderson. It was so nice to see those guys again! It was refreshing to have people to swim with. It was thrilling to have the competition and the clock. And I was frightened that wouldn't finish the sets. It was my longest swim in over a month. And I survived just fine.
And as I left practice, I found I'd regained just a little bit of confidence. Slowly, but surely.
I met with the masseuse for nearly 2.5 hours. I've spoken of her before, but she's very intuitive and she has a very positive, healing way about her. She worked with me on forgiveness and separating pain from the individual, optimistic thinking, creating a positive future rather than allowing a negative one...
I got a text from Tom asking about the bike I had planned, time and place, that he may join. So, we met at Urban at 6. I got in about 15 mins before we took off together. We headed down Rte 8 and looped back. Kinda like old times. Only not so much fighting.
I awoke this morning to rain and cool air temps...and sleepy eyes, stiff legs, a mind and body that could've used a couple more hours sleep. But, I arose, donned my favorite running shorts, slipped on my wet weather shoes, chugged some water and headed out the door.
With each step, my legs loosened. Sweat dripped from my forehead. Hair stuck to my neck. Thoughts swirled through my mind. I saw a familiar face. I took in the scenery. I felt the breeze and the raindrops and the hurt. And it occurred to me that I want to be back and I will do IMKY. I will do whatever it takes.