Tom and I arrived safely in Oceanside. Right now, I'm sitting in my room listening to the waves crash. Went to athlete check-in today by the Oceanside Pier. Everything is going smoothly thus far. Bike is here and in good working order. Though the water is pretty frigid at 59 degrees and air temp cooler in morning and evening, the full wetsuit and cool water cap make it tolerable. i'm getting rest, eating well, seeing some things, checking out the course. i really couldn't ask for things much better, physically.
Emotionally and mentally I struggle some. A short while ago, I made a choice that caused Tom some pain. Little did I know I'd be here suffering the same pain, and he'd be the one to help me sort through it all.
See, I've always held the philosophy that everything happens for a reason. I usually don't know why until much later, but inevitably, every tiny detail plays a part.
For example, a few weeks ago, my dad made the suden decision to make the trip out here to Cali. I didn't know then that Paul wouldn't be making the trip and I'd be seeking some comfort from those I love, and who better than dad to give me a hug on the starting line? After all, he's the one that started me on this insane journey of triathlon.
I found that the real pain I'm feeling is loss and disappointment because I had an expected outcome. I thought things were going to occur a certain way...and they aren't turning out that way at all. And I have fear because I thought I knew in what direction I was headed...and now I'm being redirected.
It's scary to not know what lies ahead. And at the same time, there's so much adventure in the not knowing. And there's comfort to be found in accepting things have all happened exactly as they should.
So, i'm gaining some acceptance of the current circumstance and i'm attempting to focus on now. and now, it's time to focus on Ironman 70.3 California!
Fudgy Black Bean Brownies
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