Monday, March 23, 2009

Manic Monday

Got a case of the blues yesterday. Guess I should've pulled out that video of Paul dancing around...or eating that damn mango. Instead, I took Clubber for a walk around the lake. I went tanning. I bought some groceries. I laid in bed and I cried. Mom helped me highlight my hair. We laughed as we imagined the disaster it nearly became...and when I rinsed and washed, I instantly felt prettier. Training rarely leaves me feeling pretty. I'm usually in gear, headed to/from a training session. Instead of loving the long lines provided by wearing heels, I loathe the way my calves tighten from prancing around in them at work all I opt for flats these days. The constant sweating leaves me with acne. And long hair is too much maintenance, so it stays short.

Some days I long for lucious locks and twiggy thighs again. Some days I wish my shoulders and back weren't too broad to fit into my size 2 or 4 jackets. Some days I wish I had the entire weekend to do something other than train. Some days, I just wish I could spend a night out on the town in a mini dress and heels instead of being in bed by 9:30. But those days pass and I know that if I had those girly things, I wouldn't feel complete and I wouldn't be being true to me. I wouldn't have these muscles and this strength. And I wouldn't feel the rush of adrenaline at the start of a race. I wouldn't know the thrill of accomplishment after an Ironman. I'd probably be doing something self-desructive for that high.

So, despite how I was feeling, I went out for a ride last night...down past the McDonald's to the road that takes you to the middle of nowhere. It's hilly and curvey and full of motorcyclists and dogs that aren't fenced. It's a road on which I've got no choice but ride fast. I'd had some hesitancy on the downhills on Saturday, with the gravel and having been on my trainer all winter and not having put on new tires yet. I needed the practice. I didn't like the ride. It was one of those that you know you "need" to put in. It was nice out though. And I did ride fast. And I wasn't afraid of the downhills that flow into hairpin turns. I was aware that even if that ride didn't feel great, the feeling would pass and I'd soon feel that excitement for riding again.

I went to bed early. My alarm sounded at 5am today. I hit snooze until 5:30, when I dragged my bum outta bed and went out for a nice hilly run. I was going to stop at 6 miles, but decided to just throw in a couple great big hill, just for good measure. And I'm glad I did! Just about 4.5 more hours of work and I get to go for a swim.


Kim said...

hey, was trying to look for an email address i could write to you - the "preview" of your latest blog post which i dont think was actually posted - sounds down in the okay??

Mary Sunshine said...

What a great blog!!! You have a nice way with words. I'm sure all your dedication and training will pay off for you in the upcoming race!