I took Clubber for a long walk this morning after a short spin on the trainer. It was already beautiful at 6am - 65 degrees and the birds were chirping. As we walked, Clubber would get distracted and dart after the birds. It occurred to me that she pretty much chases after anything and everything that's faster than she...birds, squirrels, deer, Drake, me, cars, etc. And it made me think....
I do the same thing!!! I chase after things that are just out of reach. When I'm out for a run or a ride and I see someone ahead, I have to go catch them. Most of the time I don't even realize that I increase my pace because my focus is so shifted. Tom and I used to joke because he could see it as it was happening - even if he didn't see the "rabbit" ahead, he knew there had to be one just by the look on my face, the determination in my eyes and the sudden increase in energy and speed.
The difference between that little pup and me? I don't think she has any fear in relation to not actually catching that bird or squirrel. She just goes after it. The problem I tend to have with chasing more, faster, better is the inability to appreciate what I've got right now. When my focus shifts from the workout I'm in to catching the target ahead, I've lost focus on my training session and seemingly given focus to someone else's. And this isn't just apparent in my trianing. It's in my careeer, my relationships, my possessions, my figure... So why is it that I have such a problem appreciating what I have?
Suzanne (the massuese) and I discussed "fear of losing something" yesterday. While this fear is deemed as negative, it isn't always so. It's positive in the sense that it means I actually want something enough to not want to just let it go. That said, I also need to have some faith that I'm gonna be ok and I am still a good person and I can still have a good workout, worthwhile life, happy day, etc whether or not I catch that faster runner, maintain my position, always have a boyfriend, or a rainstorm ruins my cute leather biker jacket. While it's not bad to want something or not want to lose something I already have, it can have a negative effect when that fear of not getting what I want or losing what I already have overtakes my appreciation for the having it or the journey in attaining it.
So, today, I'm going to take a lesson from my little girl and continue to go after what I want while also appreciating what I have RIGHT NOW...and right now, I have a pretty fucking amazing life.
The Short Version
11 hours ago